david taus

Brain Indigestion

music: Yonder Mountain String Band- 4/20/02

End of September. Weather turning, days shortening, High Holidays impending, and first semester in full swing. And man-oh-man, is it ever. This was, essentially, the first week that I was on a regular schedule: classes on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday; high school internship on Tuesday and Friday. Live Live on Tuesday Night. And reading, reading, reading. reading. reading.

There is so much reading that it’s almost counterproductive to do it all. Or even to try to do it all; lord knows that even if I had the ability to buckle down and give 100% after a day on-site or after five hours of class and on a relatively empty stomach it still wouldn’t get done. The reading that does get done is merely that: done. I have scanned the words with my eyes, highlighted a bit, jotted down some notes in the margins, and could probably paraphrase certain sections, but long-term retention is laughable. After a while that which is retained blurs together and generally loses all meaning by the time I go to class and have an opportunity to discuss it. Then, inevitably, the majority of class is spent on the one article out of four that I didn’t get to.

I know the deal. This is a master’s program combined with a licensure program, miraculously completed in one year’s time. And that means that there is a lot jammed into that year. Professors spend their entire professional lives reading and writing and thinking about some topic, and as a grad student, I am thrown into their discourse, expected to have some level of expertise, expected to handily navigate really difficult and diverse reading selections and have full command of them. Read and absorb completely. It’s a model, ironically, that we are told never to use on our high school students.

But there’s a lot to know, a lot to study, and only one year to do it. If I had the time to take it all in at a more appropriate rate, I would be more than happy to do so because there’s really some good stuff there. But as things are set up, there’s really no choice but ot cram it all in. On top of an internship that comes close to 20 horus a week, of course.

The result: an all-you-can-eat buffet of ideas and knowledge and words printed on many, many pages. And you need to eat it in however-many-minutes-or-less. you need to eat it all now. So I’m currently in the process of stuffing my face indiscriminately. It’s intellectual gluttonly.

I read and read, and after a while I realize that the close, meticulous reading style that results in a decent comprehension of the material does not leave me with nearly enough time to get through the reading. The only way to complete the assignments is to skim, to gloss over the readings and thereby not even look at all but the most essential points. To read for understanding, to read with any degree of thoughtfulness would only ensure that I not finish most of the readings. I’m in the process of self-creating an education that is an inch deep and a mile wide, and I’m not sure how to stop it from happening. A bad way to become a so-called Master of Education.

There is no clear solution to me at this point. The rate at which I have to read and comprehend is far greater than the rate at which I can read and comprehend thick and complicated academic writing. After two classes today in which I was grossly ill-prepared, I realized just how Lucy must have felt with all those candies coming down the conveyor belt. At least the undone readings for today can be crossed off the to-do list now…

Quality is shortchanged by quantity. It’s getting to be too much. Either I miraculously figure out some way to read effectively for six solid hours after a full day of classes or internship, skim everything, or delve into one thing at the expense of the others. I’m not happy with any of these options, but with this force feeding at the all-you-can-eat buffet, I’ve got to do something or i’ll puke ideas everywhere.

Posted by davidtaus at September 25, 2003 02:23 AM