Gurdjieff explained the idea of moon from a new direction.
Given, man is a microcosm that replicates all that exists in the cosmos.
A line from absolute to the moon exists in man.
A representation of the Absolute in man is full consciousness.
The effort to free oneself from identification creates a corresponding amount of free attention.
The presence of free attention in man is the second order representation of the absolute.
A foretaste of what is Full Consciousness.
The moon in man is sensation, a broken off part of original consciousness in man.
A part toward which man who wishes to work has primary Responsibility.
Sensation in man is the growing part of his innner cosmos.
The ray of creation extends from free attention to sensation.
Growth of being and growth of sensation is growth of moon in man that
requires particles of free Attention for growth of its atmosphere.
Sensation is the atmosphere of being.
No growth of being will take place without a corresponding prior growth in sensation.
Of course, when we apply the term growth to sensation we must understand that it
applies to the growth of the roots, not of what we might think of as leaves.
For example, sensation is not only skin (ie., leaves), but of the entire inner structure,
including skeleton, muscles, and organs as well.
In lifting an arm, everything on the other side of intention is sensation.
Man must be able to radiate particles of free attention from
the moment an intention enters his bloodstream and neuorlogical system to the action.
The work on sensation is the infrastructure of being.
No growth of being is possible without a corresponding prior growth in sensation.
Bottom line, there are impediments to our growth as human beings. We all know this. We all recognize that we could be better people in certain moments, that we have faults, that we’re not perfect; we all remember events in our lives where the outcomes could have been different, and we may now and again wonder to ourselves: “had i acted another way, instead of the way I did, would things be different?” And I, personally, can’t help but wonder if our own happiness is at stake, or worse, the vivacity of our life itself…. but that’s just me.
And of course there’s that part of our personality that lingers in our innerworld, pushing its chest out, holding its chin high, with its mighty arms crossed in front, saying proudly, and empathically, “I have no regrets! No sense in looking back. I am who I am.” But think about it. How do we improve ourselves without retrospect? Go back to that place, and remember a time where something that then mattered so much… might it have been better? Is there anything that can still be done now to repair? Are there current attitudes or habits that shake out from under our behavior that may exist and persist because of some deep seated, unresolved residue lodged in our past? In fact, no matter how rough and tough our personality leads us to believe, sometimes we can’t even help but think about a past event, whether it be long ago or just the other day.
Well, the real question, the question that philosophers ask, is whether this kind of reflexive thinking can happen IN THE MOMENT! Can we properly assess the situation AS IT HAPPENS so as to be our best Self in the face of an interpersonal tipping point — that is, in a moment where I would usually get angry, or get even; a moment where I would usually say something sarcastic or vain, could I really have the presence to change my ways — And the answer is: YES.
Yes, we can be reflexive in the moment; however, there are impediments. There are things, instantaneous reactions, built up inside of us, conditioned inside of our relationships, and orchestrated inside of our society, that PREVENT us from making any progress, whatsoever. This is true. And chances are, you know this to be true. But I beg you, its not enough for us to live with the statement that “our strengths are our biggest weaknesses”, or “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “I get by, don’t I?” or “I simply don’t have time for this right now,” or any other fickle tempered circum-logical, hopelessly-passive colloquialism. No, its not enough to live with these impediments, we have to ACT on them; in fact, we have to act against them! These statements are our own oppression… locking us into an object, instead of a process; a machine instead of a living, growing being.
These tiny moments, fortified in habit, become our most precious, and defining moments.
I’m sure you’ve already reached an age where you can confidently say, “wow, I truly feel older and more experienced, more knowledgeable. I understand the world better.” This is proof of your aptitude for development. Our biggest, most vile impediment then is not lack of acknowledgement, but rather the lack of will, the lack of “want” to take responsibility for our faults., the lack of making efforts to act on ourselves.
And so, I take a moment for introspection.
Time has swiftly carried me forward, and with each new day, I must reconsider, I must re-evaluate my priorities. Yes, I am without a permanent job, and cash flow is low, but surely there are those things that must perpetuate beyond the challenge of hunting for work, or of working in general… What then deserves my energies? Is it best to concentrate on Being? Is it best to continue fine-tuning my body for sport? Can I build something with my hands, a project perhaps; as in an overhead awning on the fire escape attached to my room to provide a porch when it rains? Should I re-connect with a distant friend, or breathe new air into an old idea. When time escapes me as quickly as it is has recently, I have to remember to make REAL time. But then again, what is “real”?
In my last meeting, we took 20 minutes to sit. I used that time to breathe consciously, and purposefully. I inhaled to a mantra, and exhaled to a mantra. With each new breath, I focused on pushing the new oxygen to different parts of my body—to my feet, and then through to my thighs; to my arms and throughout my chest and back; finally I filled my neck and head. And as soon as I was able to relax the space behind my eyes, I opened them to find that 20 minutes had magically passed. I felt refreshed and tired at the same time. While I focused on my breathing, I put special attention to my own weight and the position of my body. I felt my seat under me, the pressure of my crossed legs against each other, and i felt the stillness of my hands folded within eachother, fingertips gently pressing my own soft skin; and I could hear the sounds—the fan in the corner of the room, the distant dog bark beyond the window and down the street, the footsteps of those passing by the hallway near our room, eventually I heard the breathing of others in our circle, and soon after, my own heart beat became audible. At this point, when I could hear myself, I tried to inhale and exahle to every 8 beats of my own being, and for the first time in a long while, I felt fully present in a very real way.
Feeling very much alive in one’s own body is a very “real” quality of being. It is not necessarily something I can fully share in words with someone and do it proper justice, but I’ve found that bringing attention to my body is my first tangible departure from my otherwise procured lens of perogative, and hence, I arrive at a place of more objectivity. By that I mean NOT that anyone can feel what I feel in my own body, nor that we all feel the same way in these moments, but rather, I am at a place observing myself without wishing or wanting it to be different; there is no element of my own subjectivity running the show.
When I am aware of what I bring to the world AS I bring it, then that to me is a very Real moment. And in Real moments, by definition, there is a kind of honest observation—an observing things as they are, without clutter of my curiosities, or imagination, or bias. Simply put, this is “presence”, and further, this is “paying attention.” There is always cost involved in generating attention. Payment for attention is a very real thing. For starters, it takes great energy to hold one’s attention on anything, especially one’s self. And to hold this energy, great & frequent practice is also necessary. The mind wants to wander, and skip to and fro. It would rather drift in thoughts, from one thing to the next, than to sustain its focus. But bringing attention to the body, as hard as it is, is a field for practice, a starting place for strengthening one’s aptitude for attention. The real challenege is paying real attention to myself in action, specifically during my interpersonal interactions and conversations with others, including body langugage and gesture. And so, as this 20 minute sitting session came to its close, and my eyes were opened, one person in the circle made a suggestion:
“Now, having relaxed, and brought attention to the body, let us hold that attention, and remain present, as we open ourselves to questions and dialogue with eachother.”
With my eyes now open, I could feel my thinking sprint from thought to thought: the color of her blouse, the shape of his jaw, the oscillation of the fan, the bright of the overhead light, the sound of her voice, the color of his shoes. I was so easily caught in interest, caught in feeble curiosities. There was such an influx of impressions, that I quickly forgot about my breathing, about the feel of my seat beneath me. I couldn’t sustain attention on my body while my eyes were open to people around me, nor while my ears were listening to these people speak, nor while my brain tried to engage people’s ideas. I hadn’t the practice for it. But I felt lucky just to have recognized this. And so I asked the group:
“I have trouble keeping attention on my body, on my presence, while I interact with the conversations of the group. How can I know that I am present in conversation? What can I do to work on this effort, to keep present to others?”
I was told that “with three, real work can begin.” The original translation from Gurdjieff was that “with three, I can do”. But the message is the same: if we can hold attention in three places at once, we’ll be sure to know in that moment that we are capable of real presence. That is, we are open to things as they are in that moment, truly hearing without wanting or imagining our experience to be different than it actually is. Attention can be spent in many ways, and the task of the “worker” is to strive to sustain three efforts at once. Such efforts include: purposeful breathing, feeling one’s seat beneath them, listening to the sound of one’s own voice while one speaks, feeling the pulse of one’s heartbeat, hearing the sound of silence (you know, that certain timbre or hum that lies in the absence of other, more noticeable sounds), and finally, peripheral vision. There most certainly are other ways/kinds of holding attention, but these are the ones most readily accessible to me, as a young man working on himself. Trying to hold three at once is a real challenge, but this will be my next effort it seems, if I am to improve the breadth and depth of my being.
If I can sustain this kind of right attention, then I can see for myself if my thinking and if my engaging with/of other people becomes more appropriate. I can see for myself if I am in better control of my reactions, of my promises to myself and to others, of my emotional expressions, and of my sincerity. With this kind of effort, I can strive to bring pause to my most important daily moments (eg., those I share with others) and try to be truly there for another person as they are, without assuming them otherwise, or imposing myself on them for my own gain or amusement. But of course… this is so, so difficult; something i could barely do in my sitting group when my sole effort was to TRY to be attentive. I know I will have many days ahead of failing to even remember to try. But I have made another first step here, and this decision has come from understanding. For that much I am thankful. And with that much, I will move forward in time.
I should like to speak about peripheral vision very soon….
Below is a passage that I had to omit from my MA thesis. There simply was no room, and the passage proved redundant to the other text. But, the passage holds several kernals of truth & fully embodies the spirit of my work:
“You go into life according to the shape of your personality. You encounter life, people, and so on, through your personality, not directly. Is this clear? Now you do not see your personality. It is not conscious to you. So perhaps you blame life or people, or feel disappointed, and so on. The trouble is that you have acquired a certain mechanical device for making contact with life called personality that renders life to you according to its shape, as it were.
“And so here you are, always carrying about with you your personality, your apparatus for experiencing life, and always hoping perhaps, if you had a new environment, new people, a new house, new clothes, etc. that everything would be utterly different. How can that be? You are carrying about your apparatus for contacting life—that is, your personality. You may pack your bags and fill them with new clothes and go to the Anitpodes—but you carry your personality with you, with all its acquired habits of mind, habits of emotion, habits of behaviour, habits of talking, habits of finding fault, habits of movement, habits of health, and so on.
“Now this work is about how to get away from oneself, not from life. You do not get away from yourself by changing your outer scene. For this reason it is necessary to observe oneself and see what one’s personality is like and study it and see what one’s appartus is like. We all have all sorts of dreams about a new life—about ideal circumstances, marvelous people, etc. But such dreams are idle because even if we were placed in exceptional and beautiful conditions, such as are said to obtain in Paradise, we would react to them through our personalities and very soon be returned out as quite unsuitable, I fancy.
“The trouble really is that none of us knows how to live, because none of us sees that the trouble lies in the personality—that is, in the receptive-reactive machine we use to contact life. And we shall never learn how to live even a little aright if we do not work on personality in us, and see what it is in us in each case and what troubles arise from ourselves and not merely from others and from life.”
~(Maurice Nicoll, Psychological Commentaries on the Teachings of Gurdjieff & Ouspensky, Vol. 1, p.278
Well, its just me and my breath, now. Breathe in… and breathe out… Before I begin to ask myself how this “living thing” really works, I first realize that: here I am. All alone. For the first time since this holiday season got started.
Life’s a funny thing. We’re all out there living it, Life that is, and that necessarily means we’re all in motion—living, moving, doing. And around the holiday season we all rolled our mass of inertia towards each other, and did so on purpose—to visit with old family, and old friends near and far. We flew into each others’ lives, and paused for just a moment… relished… and then OFF WE WENT! Back to where from we came…
And tonight I’m feeling the dizzying distance again for the first time. I just dropped Lydia off at the busstation, and waved goodbye. Aside from my 5-day stint in Wisconsin over the Christmas holiday, she and I had spent the last 4 weeks inseparably together. I had gotten used to having her around, used to seeing her smile, to seeing her stuff, to feeling her warmth, to enjoying her smell and her special looks, and I’ve just come back to my apartment and all of that is absent now. I realize I haven’t had all this space nor all this time to myself since seemingly forever ago, and its saddening for me. It didn’t feel empty before she came, but that’s changed now.
Among all the feelings, I can’t help but wonder if I made the most of her stay. When I was my most excited, did I share with her enough? Those moments when I most loved her, did I tell her enough of my fondness? When I was my most bratty, did I apologize enough? I also drift off into my thoughts for my family, asking much of the same for my short holiday visit with them. I think of my friends too— my buddies in Wisco, and those from other places like New York and London who I managed to see in between— did I tell them how I too often think of them, did I hug them hard enough to make it last until we greet again? Only heaven knows when our momentum will bring us back together.
We’re all out there now, carving out some Life for ourselves. Few of us are in the same place where we started our sagas. Few of us now are where we forever plan to remain. But one thing’s for sure, we’re all in motion. And in my tender solitude tonight, i can’t help but cry a tear for the simple fact that it all comes to a stop one day. And for each of us, the saga we spend a lifetime building will one day have no new tales to tell…
… I guess you could say, I’m feeling a bit older in ‘08. …Yup… “Aging” seems a little more real for me tonight.
Most people are not financially forward thinking however. And not for lack of want or ability either. Firstly, there are simply too many issues, too many options, too many investment vehicles, too many tax laws for an average person to easily wrap their heads around the all of it. Secondly, people have their own lives to attend to—they’re working professionals, with their own aspirations, own families, own priorities—and I understand that; but this makes it impeccably difficult for the average individual to find time to get financially savvy.
Occasionally, buzzing around in our peer groups, we hear this motivating, ever popular riff, declaring that the best person to be looking after one’s finances is one’s OWN SELF, but how much & how often can we seriously manage on our own? And particularly with small business owners, the financial matrix gets so expansive, even Keanu Reeves struggles with it! Understanding the complicated financial world is a full-time job in and of itself, believe me. And by that, I mean such people need to constantly be educated on the new and ever-changing products, and how to routinely maneuver the volatile, yet profitable domestic & international markets. The question is not so much, how do I provide for myself today? No, it’s not simply, how do I afford a home and find ways to spend comfortably…? But rather, how do I get the most bang for every buck that comes through my fingers? And, of course, why is this even important?
I will say one thing, for my friends out there who are keeping basic tabs on their finances, if even just a little bit. There is an old adage in the industry, “the worst financial plan implemented, is better than the best financial plan sitting on the shelf…” In short, a little attention to your finances, goes a long way.
But at the same time, it might be possible that, with professional help, one just might find small ways, or better, macro- ways to improve his/her financial situation—that is to say, re-structuring certain products to work more interrelatedly for maximum reward—for achieving the ambitious dreams one sets out for themselves! (e.g., international travel, or retiring at 55yrs of age, or providing $40k of annual retirement income, or investing in children’s college tuition early, or starting a partnership or passing on a business, etc). I might be getting ahead of myself… I just mean to say, when you’re working with someone to flush out all the goals you’re trying to accomplish, all the facts in your financial situation, and all the available options in the industry, you can discover for yourself if there’s reason to make changes in your investments, or ways of getting that small business dream of yours off the ground once and for all. And if there’s no reason to make changes, at least you have the peace of mind you’re doing a good job, or know who to turn to if your situation drastically changes. Ok… well, that service is the nature of my job, so I’ll get off my soap box. :)
Let’s understand more clearly the world that we’re in. Two generations ago, getting older was easy, financially speaking. You worked hard, thirty years or more at the SAME company; You knew retirement would come at the age of 60-65 years old and you could count on two streams of retirement income: your pension & your social security check. And with a life expectancy of 72 years, those two streams provided convincingly sufficient retirement income for your 7 remaining years of life. However, since the late 80’s, the financial landscape has grown TOO broad, TOO complex to be fully grasped as a part-time hobby… Defined Benefit plans are dropping like flies from employee packages across the country and, with the 1978 rise of the 401k plan and as we celebrate the tenth year of the Roth IRA (Individual Retirement Account), the burden of ensuring the longevity of one’s accumulated retirement assets has officially fallen on the shoulders of the … yep, you guessed it! The individual.
Partly, this is due to the successful advertisement campaign of the 401k, persuading the public to assume responsibility for manicuring their own retirement—hey!, you’ll get better returns with a 401k! You’ll get to put money away tax-free, grow tax-deferred, and we’ll even throw in a dollar-for-dollar employer match!!—meanwhile, in effect, allowing employer accountability to slink into the shadows, no longer having to provide a pension for the life of their employees’ retirement years, and only having to match TODAY’s dollars with whatever few dollars the average employee manages to put away(!). And guess what, when you cash in that 401k, who knows what the U.S. income tax rate will be (currently 35%), but you better believe you’ll be in the highest tax bracket of your life, and you better believe the government is gonna come taxing for its money! So, what of the American dream? The one where you work hard your whole life, and the working economy to follow will take care of YOU in your bygone years. Well, I said this predicament of ours is “partly” the fault of the 401k, but that’s only because the 401k has developed almost out of necessity…
Social Securities and Pensions were great when people worked until they were 65, and died 7 years later. The Baby Boomer generation, however, is an unmistakable anomaly. They are the wealthiest, healthiest generation the world has ever seen! These people are 80 million strong in the US alone, retiring at 50, and living for another 40 years! I read something that says Baby Boomers own 80% of the wealth in the UK, buy 80% of the top range cars, 80% of the cruises and 50% of skin care products. And to boot, the first baby-boomer applied for U.S. Social Security THIS year! When new factors like early retirement and increased average life expectancy hit the stage, this certainly multiplies the dynamic of the situation greatly—with ramifications for the rest of us. When Baby-Boomers were working to supply Social Security for their parents, there were 11 workers in the economy per every retiree. When the BB’s retire, there will be fewer than 4 workers per retiree. And when you configure increased long-term care costs ($6k-$8k per month), and the rise of inflation (e.g., every year is ~3% inflation, which weakens the dollar by half every 15 yrs), I am beginning to see an entire culture of Americans who completely underestimate the inevitable cost of Life. Supplemental retirement strategies are needed, and meanwhile, no company wants to get stuck paying a salary for the full life of these death-defiant baby-boomers!
Well, I’m worried. And I don’t think I’m alone. The unthinkable happens every year to folks we know, folks in our very own neighborhoods and in our very own families. Divorce, losing one’s job, long term care expenses, increased college tuition costs, or worse… debilitating accidents, premature illness, denied insurance claims, the list goes on. And who’s expected to pay for this stuff? The individual. The individual every time. What is the devastating effect this has on a family? This begs the question of how resilient does a family have to be? Or better still, what really is “Financial Independence”???
Maybe the finance sector will become more comprehensible, more user-friendly 20-30 years from now, when U.S. legislature grows more accommodating to the people, becomes more sociable, and retirement & health programs become more guaranteed like Canada, or all the Scandinavian countries or even Great Britain; but as for today, people are liable to be left in the dust if they don’t seek the appropriate counsel for… asset allocation and diversification! That’s the name of the game folks— where to put what money, and for how long? And as individuals, most people spend more time each year planning their vacation, than financially planning the next 30 years of their life… I mean, even if a person takes home $30k per year, every year for a lifetime, that’s well over $1.5 million dollars coming through their fingertips—-who wouldn’t want to make the most of each dollar??? I mean, that’s a lot of “dream” power…
Philosophically, I’ve put myself in a position to be of existential service. And I really believe that. I’ve always wanted to ask the hard questions—the whys, the what ifs, the hows. It’s my full time job to be in “the know” about the finance industry, and one I will continue to take very seriously…mostly cuz it ain’t that easy! All of us in the industry should admit we could never know everything about every product. At my company alone, each advisor wears three hats: (a) Securities Broker/Dealer, (b) Investment Banker, © Insurance Agent. We can offer products across the whole financial board, shopping products from hundreds of different companies, as if we were a black market financial hustler— though we fancy ourselves more like a “one-stop shop solutions provider.” With each knew client I make, I’m guaranteed to learn something new!—because no two financial situations are the same… And that excites me. Keeps the job interesting.
You have to remember that every manufacturer in the market is out to make a profit. That’s the nature of a capitalist economy. Overhead is the bottom line, so to speak. The means for production are privately owned and operated for profit, and at the ever-growing demand to its public stockholders. Whether that manufacturer produces health or life insurance, mutual funds, municipal bonds, or variable annuities, it has an obligation to push its product. And each company, depending on their corner of the industry, employs a different strategy to allocate their profits, often at the expense and certainly to the dislike of the consumer (e.g., profits go to enormous paychecks of CEOs and CFOs and GMs and SVP’s and RVPs etc, etc, etc.). So here’s an easy conundrum. At what point is a representative of a ‘said’ manufacturer limited by the company he works for, limited by the fact that s/he can sell only their own products?? And when is a service of this kind, a detriment to the best interest of the consumer?
Hence the push in the industry for companies like mine to advertise their independence. That is, the ability to help ordinary folks manage their finances while remaining at a safe, almost objective distance from the manufacturing side of things. To make my point more clear, you won’t find North Star Insurance; you won’t find North Star Mutual Funds or Brokerage Accounts… All you’ll find is North Star service. We’re paid on service. Nothing more. We have no product to push—we’re just master manueverers in a never-ending and forever-unfolding market place. It’s a beautiful thing, to relish above the choppy waters below, diving in where we please to catch the best fish for our clients. A consultant sells by educating. And a consultant educates by listening, and asking questions, and rolling up his sleeves to begin shopping for solutions. I know that the best thing I can do as a financial consultant is admit the limits of my expertise, and make sure that I am fully supported by senior associates, with more a specialized understanding, who care about my clients and my development.
I’m willing to bet that when many people hear “finances,” they immediately think one of three things: Stocks, 401k, or Credit Card debt. But the list goes on—savings accounts, mutual funds, bonds, certificates of deposit, Treasury bills, stocks, dividends, traditional IRAs, educational IRA, Roth IRAs, profit sharing, SEP’s, TSA’s, ESA’s, Keogh Plans, 529 Plans, 457 Plans, whole life insurance, universal life insurance, variable life insurance, REIT’s, UGMA’s and UTMA’s and on and on and on…. The best thing I’ve done for myself is to accept the struggle of trying to wrap my head around the all of it. And yeah, I get paid. There are fees and commissions built into ALL of these products, and someone receives the piddly 1-3% off your premium payments no matter what. I figure, if its gonna be an unavoidable expense, it might as well be me out there trying to help my family and friends mitigate this tangled financial web, ya know?
To answer your question, is this about dreams or money games?, the answer is: Dreams. Without question. But nearly every dream pays its homage to start-up cost. And what’s more, in this country, our bureaucrats and lobbyists have a special habit of muddling up our ability to travel the yellowbrick road to the fairytale. For today’s market, its wise to find a financial sherpa you can trust.
One of my closest friends, and I love him to death, lives as if the world is out to get him. Its as if all the forces, of nature and of people, are suddenly surmounting this surprise attack on him, and the fear and the suspicion in him creeps out (quite unpredictably!) during the day in the most simplest, most innocent, most harmless kinds of situations. Someone didn’t respond to an email— they’re out to get him. Someone cut him off on the road— they’re out to get him. Someone parked in his parking spot— they’re out to get him.
What a troubling outlook… And I’m beginning to see this energy as a seething epidemic. For starters—and I speak for myself & several of our mutual friends— we all tend to feel as if we’re walking on broken glass around this person, trying to identify what mood he’s in, and determining how to best cater our energy to his needs. Its actually emotionally laborious, and exhausting— I often feel worn out just mitigating the weight of his negativity, to the point where I feel myself growing temperamental, and irritable. And quite disastrously, i’ve realized now how I’ve allowed myself to be engrossed by the same “Funky-McFunkness” at times. I use my language purposefully as I say, I must admit its ultimately my choice to adopt new behaviors, and that no one but Me is making me adopt my friend’s (occasional) grim attitude…
But being around it so frequently certainly increases my chances of letting down my guard, and succumbing to and even perpetuating the same negative energy in my own behaviors and attitudes. I get stuck in this rut of blaming, of being bitter, of carrying a chip, of having an accusatory tone for no good reason at all. Its a tricky thing. And I have to ask myself, “why?” and “for what good?”
When my friend is in his “funk”, and complaining about things beyond his control, as a passenger in the car I tend to just agree and continue to stare out the window (ie., “yeah, you’re right, that guy in that truck is a real jerk!”). It’s the simplest thing to do, and I avoid stirring up some argument that I’m not trying to get into. But I’m not really confronting the root of the problem, which quite frankly is, the process of interpretation in my friend. I mean, really, I should be saying: “Dude, let it go. You know that kind of stuff is not worth getting worked up about.” Or even, “Bro, listen, it’s time to get solution oriented.” And the few times I try, one of three things usually happens.
[a] Either I find myself having to defend some naturally occuring situation (ie., “maybe that guy’s wife is in the hospital, giving birth, and he’s weaving through traffic to get there in the nick of time!” :P), and suddenly I’m being some proponent for some scenario that I’m not really invested in. And why do they call it being a “devil’s advocate” anyways?? Regardless, it comes across as if I’m ALWAYS positioning my friend in the wrong, and privileging some random stranger over and against my friend at every chance I get…
[b] Or this neutral catch-22 occurs, where I tell my friend to let it go, and he then turns to me and insists, “dude, I’m just fine. You don’t think I’m really bothered by that, do you? Why would you say that? I mean, come on dude, I know its not a big deal, I’m just saying.”… and suddenly he’s getting worked up, just trying to explain that he’s not worked up— and now I feel like I’m just pushing buttons, apparently falsely accusing him, making an issue of nothing (though we ALL know, these flailing comments of his happen often enough, that its an issue!).
[c] Or lastly, more times than not, the response gets turned on me: “Whatever Bell, don’t tell me you wouldn’t get mad if someone did this, that, or this to you… Remember when you…” and suddenly its about me, and I’m the bad guy, the one who can’t seem to EVER side with his buddy, the one who is apparently in NO position to have a valid & insightful perspective because my friend remembers a time when I reacted negatively to a similar issue 3 years ago! I mean, honestly, what kind of crap is that??? A logician would be embarrassed by such an argument… People grow, deepen and develop and if a negative person is going to resist sincere & friendly intervention and continue to be difficult, I think I’d rather let you keep to your negative thoughts, while I look out the window—but then its a loss for ALL of us! I really think of the three outcomes, this third one occurs the most often. (The great philosopher Ouspensky once said ‘the last thing people want to give up is their own suffering.’) My friend has a special ability to deflect cause for introspection, and to compound the negative energy he exudes by surmounting a stifling counter attack. Suddenly, I’m defending myself, trying to set straight some OLD story, getting riled up, feeling misinterpreted, or misunderstood and while the real issue at hand fades from focus, I’m left to be the one feeling blame for the eternal unease that my friend interally harbors.
(To interject, let us remember that we ALL do these kinds of things. Rarely, are we ABOVE projecting negatively onto the world, and we all have examples of doing so in our past… but the point is that we need eachother to ‘wake us up’ out of our moments of funk, and to help us recognize when such instances arise… allowing us to begin the internal investigation process of discovering why and how those views creep up in us, and figure out what to do about it!).
Don’t get me wrong. Often its the case that this friend of mine is the funniest, most considerate one in the whole lot. The guy would give his right hand for you, and not think twice. But I think with that emotional sensitivity comes a kind of volatility that, compared to someone like me who antecendently lives at a slight contemplative remove from most daily events, has trouble ignoring. And more often than not, there are clear justifications for why he feels the way he does, but it can’t be healthy to take things so personally. And it certainly isn’t good to involve other people into that negative sphere— whether he means to or not we’re subject to that energy. It’s almost like second-hand smoking.
Philosophically, I would claim that its ethically irresponsible to haphazardly project negatively onto the world without doing so with purpose, particularly when others are around you. Its one thing to have a negative feeling, and to address it, express it, and confront it in the presence of others. But its an altogether different thing to project carelessly, whimsically, without direction or presence of deeper consciousness. Yes, perhaps its just one’s natural disposition, a way of being in the world that’s developed over time, but more often than not, I believe we see that its the tip-of-the-iceberg effect where he’s expressing a subsidiary symptom of a larger, more central & possibly resolvable disturbance. Harboring these negative views, of feeling attacked or suspicious or neglected or abused, clearly must be a detriment to my friend’s peace of mind. It’s not so much a pity case with him. He’s certainly not looking for pity. But rather, I don’t think he knows what he’s looking for… he’s just stirring & festering in this restless, unresolved energy—and that’s a scary place to be!! To me, I see a philosophical crisis here… and the need for very focused, cerebral, intervention so as to spur the implementation of his own inner conscious work.
I do hope that my friend can get to the point where he grabs his reactions by the reins… In a true moment of consciousness, he once said to me that, “I can’t change who I am, but I want to change the way I hold onto my emotions, to be able to let issues go sooner and not remain so attached” and that’s a good thing, and a great moment of admittance and a even better goal.. but its not sustainable… you feel me? Cutting down a dandelion at its stem, doesn’t stop the weed from coming back next year. Its hard to be around a guy who falls into a funk at a whim… But for the challenge of it, and because I love the guy to death, I want to be the rock that he needs, one that doesn’t make it harder, doesn’t push his buttons, but rather one who is tactful, and is there when and as he needs it… that’s my new goal. I want to resist falling into negative inertia. I want to rise above and travel steady…
Challenging, for sure… but I know the very things that often trigger him, are the weaknesses in my own character (not that OTHER things don’t trigger him too, but those are often outside of my control…). I recognize that I may not be as tactful as I could be. I recognize that my good intentions are quickly stifled by the slightest bit of resistence. When my friend counter attacks/argues, I find myself feeling defensive and as that emotion develops, I start becoming competitive, wanting to win the argument, or ANY argument that may subsequently develop, at the expense of sticking to the original point. My goal to be his “rock” is something I see as an opportunity to both (a) help my friend peel back the layers of his emotional onion, and (b) to control the things in myself that I can, until I reach the point where it’s easy to be the person I want to be…. you dig? It will help us both to take responsibility for our reactions to eachother as they compound in any given situation. Focusing on improving the things in ourselves, where we can, so we can be a stronger resource for the other. Cuz one day, a moment of piddly, funky, negative habit may cause a defining reaction in us that leads to a lifetime of regret. The cure begins with a choice. The results accrue with conscious attention, and we need eachother to help us be attentive.
That’s what’s on my mind these days. That’s how I’m livin’….
If only I could cry. I would finally, once and for all, settle the uneasiness that grows inside me. Everything is so buried, to the point that I don’t even know what tries to get out. I have these fleeting moments where urges swell up inside me, for what, I do not know. They’re like minature convulsions, tiny fits of angst—Right below my throat, above my heart in the center of my chest. It’s really all very indescribable, and the whole sensation is very vague. It creeps up on my now & again, and feels much like the beginnings of the vomit reflex. It’s all very proprioceptive. It is such a feeling of bitter emptiness, of helplessness, not hopelessness. I hate it. From my observations, it emerges at times when I’m being spoken to, or when I’m watching a show/movie. It’s as if I’m at odds with what is being said, or the way its being said, as if I want to change the words, or the meaning, or the delivery… but I have no control to do so— either it’s not polite to interrupt or it’s television and I simply have no influence. But worst of all, if I acknowledge this feeling inside me in the moment, I realize that I have no real alternative to offer. Either I don’t understand, or I know I won’t be understood, or I know not what really to say; next thing I realize, I’m not paying attention, and my curiosity to hear what’s being spoken to me overrides the burden of my discomfort. But lately, this feeling just arises, and it settles into my awareness, almost inescapably so. I’ve chosen to confront it nearly everytime, and what’s more, it lingers. I’m calling it my Desperation. Today it just won’t go away. What could this be? It sucks me in, like a black hole. If I don’t resist and burn it away, it pulls in those around me as well, without me saying a word. I don’t want to get others involved in it, but I don’t know how else to understand it. Taking it upon myself only hurts more. I don’t want to run from it. That’s too easy. It is a tricky thing how I choose the people with whom I surround myself. Often, the right people just appear…
I wonder… do I believe in omens?
Here’s a sweet article from the New York Times that I found engaging. It introduces some new cutting edge work in the field of psychology. My, the power of f.M.R.I. machines and foreward thinking! This article takes up back to the question of Cartesian Dualism and the power of consciousness…
“so, Buddha, tell me again, is there really no atman?…”
“We must be willing to open ourselves to all the obstacles… What we’re looking at here is the human condition. When you’re willing to relate with your anger, say, your own addictedness, your own incompleteness, then you’re relating to everyone’s anger, everyone’s addictions, everyone’s insecurities. What we find in ourselves helps us to see others.
You’d be amazed how powerful this genuine compassion is. You’d be amazed how this perspective of not being caught in your own private sense of burden helps you realize it’s your link to humanity. We identify so much with our ‘problem.’ But if we can have some kindness toward this ‘problem’ and realize it’s the human problem, that it’s your kinship with other people, then very interestingly we discover that we’re very attached to that problem…We don’t realize how identified we are with this problem. It’s familiar. And it hurts, but there’s a lot invested in our sense of being the one who’s screwed up. And the method is to go into it. Go into it.
Suffering is as much a part of life as happiness. And it’s not to be feared and it’s not to be avoided. But we put so much energy into running away…And that’s what’s called neurosis, psychosis…And all that is like a defense mechanism against not wanting to feel [the pain]. This practice is about kindly holding pain and working at not running away… This is where the real humanness comes from.”
-Pema Chodron
on Tonglen meditation, 1994
I’ve been speaking of ‘stories’ for some time now. I’ve realized how the art/act of story telling is a necessary component for how we internalize our reality, and construct our identity and experience. The best philosophy draws attention to those things that everyone knows, and I believe it is clear that the basis of personal growth, of raw communication, of perceptual expression, … of any attempt to articulate experiences is universally (across humans) through narrative.
Paul Ricoeur explains that time and temporality have no place outside of emplotment, or the action of man within a given situation. Time is only recognized once the narrative unfolds and a mechanism is needed for ordering events therein.
It should be understood, then, that life is not the combination of individual events (e.g. E1, E2, E3, E4 ….. and so on). In fact, such disjointed experiece lacks meaning, and must certainly lead to depression, or lack of motivation, or lack of a personal project. Kant said plainly, “Humans are synthesizing animals” — we need to create connections between events.
Ricoeur provides a three-stage account of Mimesis where Mimesis(1) is a “prefiguring stage” that deals specifically with the interalized narratives that construct a reality within each person. It’s our personal story, our personal project. It is the way we explain what we did today, or the story we tell to describe our childhood. Mimesis(2) is a “configuring stage” that is presented; it is a narrative plot configured/imagined/created by an author, as in a work of art (poetry, novel, play, etc). In this stage of mimesis, time can transcend human experience. A novel can convey an experience that lasts longer than a human life (ie. 150 years), or provide a storyline that doesn’t follow sequential notions of time (ie. “Memento”, which jumps forwards and backwards in time). The final stage of mimesis, Mimesis(3), is a “re-figuring stage” of narrative where the reader’s story of reality is necessarily changed in some way by the Mimesis(2), which, again, is the narration presented in the literary work (or artistic work for that matter).
This outline of Mimesis is very clear to me. It makes sense that works of fiction would influence any reader in some way. Given this process, it seems that raw socialization is parallel to the configuring process of fictional narratives. Other people’s stories can influence our Mimesis(3) stage just as easily, and probably more often throughout life (depending on how social you are, or how much reading/art-seeing you do).
I’ve realized that I currently read very few novels, especially fiction. But given this development theory (personal narrative based on the synthesis of three stages of mimesis), I realized that my conception of reality, my life’s narrative, is constantly bombarded and challeged by the many conversations I engage in. I am drawn to socializing, and make an effort to impose meaning to such daily conversations. “Meaning” in the sense that I often (casually) force people into a state of personal awareness, observation and evaluation. The realness of other’s experiences, of other’s narratives always blow me away. For me, conversation is a more organized, more direct access to the questions I’m asking….
Perhaps this is why I am so fond of songs, or movies, or conversations that convey a person’s reality/narrative that I am wholly unfamiliar with, that I cannot fathom actually living. At the very heart of such interactions, my construction/foundation of my reality is challenged. Consequently, my personal narrative is forced to make the necessary adjustment to account for and appreciate the Other’s narrative. It is in this way that we make life. Life then is made. It is our myth to make.
“Children are like carrots, once you peel them, you have to dip them in ranch right away.” -Emerson
There is a certain futility of Time. And I capitalize this purposefully. Time is an idea, way before it’s anything else. Even Time itself is never graspable. I’ve begun to see it as a grid, a new dimension we’ve added to the neutrality that is raw experience, a new cognitive department that we’ve placed atop pure sensation. Can’t you see it as such? It makes me sick, sometimes.
It was invented. That part alone blows my mind. Time was created by us. To slice up space … into manageable segments. Manageable segments that we could all agree to and depend on. Despite it’s innocent conception, we’ve unleashed a power that rules with relentless perfection. With each tick and each tock, the metronome of life drags us, dictates us. Pulling us along in the only direction it knows how - forward.
We can never escape it. It’s bigger than us. At best, we can only ignore it, full well knowing it will find us again, full well knowing it looms just beyond. The more we try to ignore it, the more we probably notice it - and it’s futility. It doesn’t go anywhere.
Our inconscient allegiance is too strong. There is no running away from it. We inextricably refer to it’s secret code. One. Two. Three. We can’t help but feel the seconds with each breath. Every moment is tainted with this temporal residue. There is no real freedom here. We are slaves to her logic.
Tick. Tock. She judges with me with her swinging hands. Scolding me with her steadfast consistancy. She laughs. It’s just a game for Time. For good ol’, infinite Time. In the shadows of her towers, haunted by the chimes of her bells, I scramble to meet her standards, to meet her demands … to subscribe to the reality she provides. Bewildered, behind, I implore her to slow down. Relaxed, reflective, I dare her to speed up. I’m no match. What a competitor. In this game, Time always wins. Being a part of a species that has strove throughout the centuries to conquer all it’s touched, it’s a shame we’ve created an eternal beast that will always kill us.
I don’t really have the charisma to type today… the only type of sitting still I really find myself doing these days is watching the olympics or sleeping. Between working (this landscaping job with some of my teammates) and practice, I’m awfully tired. But today, i woke up (in another random house; this time, Scott’s and Erin’s pad) and fulfilled my customary morning trip to the rest room. It was there that I made a slight discovery.
In general, I really appreciate the bathroom for it’s proper name — Restroom. I find that trying to rest there makes it all the more worthwhile. I often think and dream — sure, I get the job done, but in the comfort of my own home (or someone else’s for that matter), I prefer to draw out the experience a little, and really capitalize on the resting that can be (should be?) achieved. If I’m lucky, there’s generally a mirror across from my chair and I can make faces, and give speeches. Usually there’s a wide variety of reading material to choose from or a friend cat/dog to hangout with…
But today, I found myself slapping my knees like small african drums. I realized that I have this beat that is sort of like my default beat — whenever I’m humming or tapping or striking objects together. I’d like to think that i’m good at it. I’ll admit that i’m not very good at many other beats, and certainly no good at singing while drumming with any other beats — but THIS one… I’m tellin’ you, i’m good at it. I’ve been identifying with this particular beat for years. There’s something about the rhythm I think, that uniquely gets at my own soul, and it got me wondering. Do other people have their own natural, rhythmic, internal beat? Do they find themselves drumming a rhythm that they’ve never really heard before? And then i got to wondering if that’s how certain ancient, indigenous tribes established their cultural dances and music — from the natural beats and rhythms of elders from long long ago.
Needless to say, I thought a lot about this… asking many more questions about the nature of my own tune for at least 20 minutes. But as I said, I don’t really have the charisma to type about it today. so, I’m going to go take a nap.
Judging from most of my latest entries… I think it’s safe to say that June was much of a blurr. I don’t really remember much of any of it. … “July”, they tell me. Apparently I’m already one quarter the way through this summer of Transition. It may very well be time to quit riding… and to start steering…
It seems as if my step-father has been pretty involved (active?) in my life right now. In a good way, no less. Yeah, I’m making some pretty big decisions in my life — almost tiptoeing on the brink of certain disaster, but its as if he’s secretly helping and guiding me along the way. And what’s more, it’s not as if he’s just making sure I don’t screw up, it’s more as if he genuinely enjoys helping me succeed. To be honest, the glass of “him helping me” has probably always been half full, but my step-father has had this uncannily negative ability to make me see it as half empty. But really, how empty could my childhood have been? —- surely eveything I really needed (the necessary types of things) were always there; it was just the affectionate details in between that seemed to lack from him, that conviction for having a joyful investment and a loving interest in me, as a person, as opposed to me as a responsibility. [Luckily, this is where my mother shines, so this caveat was less impactful]. So, anyway, this got me thinking.
The next thing that go me thinking was the stand-up routine of this comic on Comedy Central last night. I forget his name, but he began talking about age differences. He, being an older gentleman, said something like, “All people in their 20’s don’t know anything - I’ll tell you right now.” Him being in his 50’s, everyone assumed what he intended and everybody laughed. [He then followed this line with something to the effect of: “the only thing they are good at is looking better than we do!” … which is somewhat true, and certainly warrants a laugh,… but let me continue]. I realized that the comic was true — or, at least, so I hoped. Being on the verge of 23yrs old, I’d hate to think that life doesn’t become more clear (or cloudy for that matter) from here on out. This realization has brought me to expect that there are many different stages to Living. Whole domains to life, separated by great transitions of age and experience.
But we’re talking about my father here, and this got me thinking about the role of parenting. Keith and I, we’ve had our differences — but could now be a different stage all together? The “Mid-twenties” perhaps? It makes perfect sense. It was in HIS mid-20’s that Keith was finally on his own, and despite (or because of) this he became so successful. This is his best stage; the one he identifies with, the one he remembers most, the one he wants to remember most. In terms of parenting, this is the stage for which he has the most experience and resources from which to draw. It makes sense that he would be so supportive and understanding in these times, and I imagine that he’ll continue to emerge as a potentially great parent for THIS stage. I’ve even seen my mother slip back into a more supportive role, a more of a “you boys have fun, and no one get hurt” type of role.
I hadn’t seen it before, but this is a true testament to learning to see and understand where one’s parenting gifts might become the most helpful. For what has appeared to be an imbalance for so long (my mother kicking ass as a parent of my youth, and my father…. ooh, not so much), is finally looking like a parental unit, a team of two learning to be as compatible and as complimentary as possible. I don’t know if I’m making this point very clear, but for the first time I’m feeling myself finding reassurance in both of my parents equally, as opposed to living this guessing game as to which parent I should approach on which issue in hopes of avoiding such and such from happening…. It’s all a very new and exciting feeling. I’m always hoping to avoid disappointing them, or rather, am hoping to live in a way that they can be proud, but this new feeling, this feeling that I have their support, that they are both 2 people that support, love and trust me, that has me so excited. It’s refreshing. And who knows how incredible they’ll be at the next stage. I mean, to their credit, they will have been doing what I will eventually come to do for quite some time. I can see how middle school and high school may have been a more difficult stage for Them (him?) to relate. I can only imagine how smooth our family will function when my sister and I both have families, and there are grandchildren running around the thanksgiving table… wow. It’s funny. At that stage, I see no troubles whatsoever. I can’t wait! (but I will…)
I don’t know what to say for myself right now. It’s 2am in the morning. I have a “to-do” list longer than Pinocchio’s nose, ; I have the whole night to get stuff done, and yet, I’m doing nothing productive. It’s incredible. I feel so incredibly antsy and incredibly alive — but I can’t focus, for the life of me. What’s my deal?
All I want to do is hear that one sweet voice again. Or post another abstract comment on a frisbee forum again. Or check out other ultimate teams’ websites, again. Or run around campus with my shirt over my face and the string from my shorts tied around my head, again. Or something! ANYTHING! I want someone to email me. I want another cup of tea. I want some sort of distraction - a phone call, an earthquake ——- something to carry me through the time FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!
I’m so ridiculously antsy. I can barely handle sitting here and typing! Gosh. I’m beside myself. Seriously, beside myself. Why? I wonder.
What is it about the thrill of knowing you have a lot to do, and seeing yourself not do it? Is it even a thrill, or just some strangely satisfying impulse? Am I impulsive? Perhaps. Am I satisfied? Not at all. (We won’t even talk about being ‘strange.’) Where am i going with this? Does it even matter?
I say, ‘no’. Why? Well, if I were to ask the same question about my life right now, I’d have no answer; I don’t know where I’m going. But the point is: movement. Just keep moving, Aaron. Movement is the breath of life. Go. Be antsy. It could be worse. You could be sleeping.
It’s March?! Are you kidding me? Where am I? What am I doing? What’s happening? I can’t see anything. Mommy, are you out there? Hold me.
It’s funny. I watch my priorities slip in and out of focus without repercussion. Direction (for even the simplest of life decisions) has become arbitrary. Alternatives (to any thought!) have become plethoric. I’m lost when in relation to things, but found when I stand alone. What type of dichotomous juxtaposition is that?
Insight is a distant dream. I haven’t stopped moving in 4 months. But I’m not going anywhere. After a 4 hour nap, I toss and turn at 5am (only because the 3 alarms I set, separated with 5 minute intervals and spread around my room, are trying to wake me up). My bed is a place where I lay down. Walking around campus is when I nap. Talking in class is when I sleep. When do I wake? There’s no definitive separation for me. I just slip in and out of a lucidness. When do I live? Is it just 4-6pm on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and every other weekend?
I should really get this paper done.
Welp, back to the my head’s-down, time’s-up, fall-down, catch-up, writing-reading-typing reality that is my life. Life? Life. Funny looking, isn’t it?
We talk about ‘commercialism’ and other (negative?/positive? — controversial.) effects that arise out of developed, capitalist nations all the time, especially America. We talk about our frustrations with this type of system throughout our entire lives.
Specifically, in the United States, I hear people complaining about the Fast Food market, and how it detracts from time in the home, with the family, around the table, cooking and eating (and cleaning-up after) a meal. I hear complaints (generally from an older population) about impossible diet plans, temporary gym memberships and failed arobic workouts. I’ve witnessed a countless percentage of citizens on cigarette breaks at work; millions of average patrons consume a glass or two of dark, home-brewed columbian coffee with a pinch of sugar and drop of milk at the start of their day and again at lunch; College students around the globe are popping pills and downing Red Bull to make it through the week and puffing herb or downing Red Dog to make it through the weekend. Our nation’s children are too energetic — they’re given Ritalin. Our nation’s women are too obese — they’re given Xenical. Our nation’s men are too sexually incompetent and too bald — they’re given viagra and Rogaine. Our nation’s parents are too depressed or too compulsive — they’re given prozac. Systems of capitalist markets and economies are designed to allow new products into the market to help provide for a need in a better way — more productive, more efficient, or what have you. It’s a system where healthy competition will produce a better product to make for a better society. But as of late, I look around and see a rise in commercial products for a demand that isn’t natural. There is an increased supply for a demand that is created, a fabrication endorsed by the very companies that sell the product. It’s as if America’s motto has turned into, “if you’re feeling this way — take this!” Are you tired? — take this. Are you too pained — take this. Are you too stressed-out — take this. Are you too slow? take this. Are you too weak? Take this! Too ugly — Take THIS. Too stupid— TAKE THIS. Are you too different — TAKE THIS! … YOU CAN‘T DO IT, CAN YOU? TAKE THIS!
We have become a society of ‘supplements.’ I’m not saying calcium pills and daily vitamins aren’t going to help you live longer. I’m not saying the use of niacin or Glucotrol or NSAIDs or DMARDs is a poor decision (especially for people with heart disease or diabetes, or Rheumatoid arthritis ). I’m saying, that in a world where so many supplements are available, we have got to be careful not to cross the line of necessity — a distinction that so many companies try to blur.
The other day I was at this natural foods store, buying some organic vegetables, and multi-grain bread. I was looking for products with Glucosamine and other good-joint-stuff to help strengthen my knees (for ultimate, of course) and on the shelf I saw a box of pills that was titled ‘Memory’ and subtitled with, “Enhance your Memory.” I looked at this for a moment, and thought to myself. “Well, gosh, it’s not like I have the greatest memory in the world. If I could improve my memory, how great would that be? What are these pills all about?” And then I realized what I was doing. I was denying myself the ability to improve on my own. I can’t sit here and generalize and say, “Supplements are bad. Stop taking them. Damn America!” That’s not the point. In fact, that is the opposite of the point. I was merely confronted with the realization that a chunk of the market looks me in the eye and says, “Aaron, listen, we know what your goals are. We know what you’re working on. We know how you want to improve yourself. But listen to us (were professionals) when we say - ‘You cannot do this on your own. You are not able to make this change without our help’. Take this.”
I want to live in a way where I believe that I can do it, without supplementation. I can get in shape. I can learn this. I can eat healthier. I can find outlets for my stress. I can like myself. I can do it on my own. Well, at least I want to try.
Why not live in a way where we believe we can do it, and more importantly that we try — try with all our might. On a side note, I watch ninja movies all the time (well, with as much frequency as possible)— and with every martial artist (of whatever Kung Fu form) there is a particular grace of skill, art of movement, subtlety of ability. It is the optimum use of the human body, focused on a holistic excellence of the self — and I have to imagine, these guys aren’t taking diet pills and popping advil.
So, for those who are keeping track, I’m taking this 1 credit Honors Critical Conversation seminar on Virtues, particularly, the virtue of Charity. But, as I soon discovered, my professor’s interpretation of Charity (and perhaps rightly so) is “Love.” I just finished watching this video, entitled “Light of the Gods”, and it was riddled with some pretty fascinating quotes:
From the Greek poet Zappho:
* “Someone in some future time will think of us.”
*And again, on the contrast between Love and War:
“Some will maintain that the cavalry core or the infantry or the swift oars of our fleet are the finest sights on our dark earth, but I say it is whatever one loves.”
From the Greek poet Pindar:
“His hope is high, and he flies on the wings of his manhood.
Better than riches are his thoughts.
Man’s life is a day.
What is he? What is he not?
But when a God-given rightness comes,
a radiant light rests on man and a gentle life.”
From the Greek Philosopher Heraclytus:
“The only permanence in life is change and that all things contain their own opposites.”
And, lastly, there was a tale about two twins that were found dead after winning a triumphant battle and it was said (as a result of their passing):
“No man can die happy until he lived life with honor and without suffering.”
The greeks were clearly obsessed with the meaning of LOVE, DEATH and FATE. Funny … me too. Hazaa! (forgive me for not making the time to expand on these notions with my own reactions … liberal time is seldom).
However, in skirting around the specific issues at hand, I did have this to think: so much progress is made over time. Its as if few things have ever been started and finished in a single lifetime. Am I wrong to think that people can only introduce change, and that seldom is it a finished contribution? I wonder… what will be my contribution?
“Straight for a punch, man, I got to get through to you. Mix what I do with Zion I is special and you knew it too. Times for your mind, expansion and were on the grind, answering the question to where the hell am I gonna find ‘Bliss’? My soul’s music is timeless. Keep it close to your heart; it’s art at its finest. A pint is not enough liquid courage to go around, so when I draw from this universe I put it into the sound. Would have been lost or found myself in the process, from gettin’ up over and over and dealin’ with God’s test. You best have believed my quest to relieve the pain that still remains, but frame by frame we make the sickest scene. The most equipped of teams, tall with tall torches; only the weak-hearted wilt like cowards with no voices. Of course, the choice it yours, pick the lock to open doors, get the crop to go for more because its pure. And, wherever the wind blows, me and my trusty pen go and at the drop of a 10-cent coin I let these men know: Get passed the windows, the walls and defences; let down your guard and come to your senses —— Let it Flow!”
- The Grouch (1st Verse on ‘Flow,’ on Zion I’s CD, “Deep Water Slang V2.0”)
I only brought one CD to Costa Rica and every time I throw it in (in between my spanish music), the Grouch sits me down, and tells me how it is. Yo, I’m feelin’ you, Grouch. Werd.
The way I see it,
When you turn your back on people, even for a short while, they change. (this isn’t a bad thing - the changing nor the turning. Maybe you had to go to school in a different state and its hard to keep in touch, or maybe you traveled around the world for a year and you were beyond contact, or maybe you were just in your own element for a while; the reason isn’t important for this discussion). It’s only when they never leave your side (nor you their’s) that they seem to never change.
It takes a lot to step back and see the change around you… and especially in you.
(sorry for the broken ingles, no lo usa mucho aqui)
Anoche fuimos a una Discoteca — una palabra….. “increible!”
Necesito recuperarme porque era bastante divertido. Ay! Pura vida.
It’s christmas time, and I’m in Wisconsin. One would expect to see dashing sleighs, and a winter wonderland, but its pouring rain outside instead. At first I was like, “cool”, but then I realized that I wasn’t driving around in Washington. If I don’t get a chance to go sledding this break, I will be very upset.