bell - a verbalization of consciousness

The Final Push...

I’m not entirely sure where I want to be.

Here I am, about to begin my last push in my MA program, and I’m slightly flustered. Not so much with what must get done, but more so with what comes next. I have my work cut out for me over the next 3 months: finish two classes, and write my five chapter MA Thesis. In this sense, I’ll be very busy, and I’ll have to be very focused. I can handle that.

But in every other sense, I will soon be done, and I’ll have a very liberating feeling of freedom to quickly follow. How shall I live? My girlfriend will be leaving me for Spain shortly thereafter, and I imagine I’ll find myself very much alone in January. Where to go, what to do? I imagine my pockets will be deep in debt, anywhere between $1,700 and $8,000. Resolving this will be of the utmost importance. But where? Certainly not in Eugene. I don’t think I could handle it for another moment. I’ll miss the facilities at school, the neighborly appeal of the Eugene social scene, but that’s about it.

I’ve always fantacized about returning to PLU to coach ultimate and maybe teach. I’ve always thought myself a better coach than a player, and I’ve spent so much time figuring out the college ultimate ropes. The challenge of continuing to reshape PLU Ultimate is so very enticing… but alas, it sounds that the position will be filled by another quality player. And thus, the chapter on my eventual re-orientation will remain open. What comes next bell.tron?

I’ll just keep my work on the forefront, and my eyes and ears open to opportunities. This must be the only way to proceed. I’m in good spirits. I’m capable. I’m learned. I’ll be ready for the world. Just give me an open door, and I’ll make my mark.

I worked in the trenches, pushed my limits to maximum, for four weeks last November. Now, I’m asking myself to do the same for the next four months. Every year we make petty resolutions that we don’t keep. I tend to make mine in September. But this time, everything in me doesn’t want to let myself down. And there’s no ultimate to distract me. What a pity. What a liberating pity.

I hope you’re ready for a knock-out thesis. The time for refocus begins…. now. This is the Final Push.

Posted by bell at September 7, 2006 12:00 PM | TrackBack