bell - a verbalization of consciousness

Hats, Varja, Buttes and the like...

I’m beginning to realize more and more (and thankfully so) that i’m generally writing these entries for me, but in a way that allows others to see; well, anyone, really. There’ something quite liberating about that … about the idea that someone can be subject to someone else’s inner thoughts and reflections. The verbalization of that consciousness, naturally, makes for feelings of apprehenson and vulnerability —- but I welcome it.

I’ve slowly found out a thing or two about myself, about what excites me and what intrigues me. I’ve found that watching the many ways in which people put on their many hats and switch between their many identities are ridiculously fascinating. I hope ya’ll would agree. Think about the few people you know very very well. To some degree, the reason one feels they know another person well is because they have numerous shared experiences, they’ve seen that person encounter a variety of circumstances, and have had a chance to see, to some degree, into that person’s other relationships —- ie: who that person is at a college party, when s/he is studying in a dorm room all sunday afternoon, or leading a hiking trip with 3 of his/her peers, or bringing you a special birthday gift wrapped in careful thought and love, or interacting with the relatives at a family reunion, or on stage acting out a lead role in a play or volunteering time to a needy non-profit organization… or whatever. The intrigue is the intimacy that comes from watching a person grow and interact in relation to the changing scenery … in reflection to the many people and circumstances to which we’re constantly adjusting.

For me, that’s become of personal interest. And I call this the “many hats” addiction. And this very principle makes people-watching on a city bench so rewarding. It’s all about just trying to imagine what outfit that person in the pressed-suit changes into when she gets home, or whether that CEO puts on grass-stained jeans and plays catch in the park with his little girls. What it takes for that young woman to laugh, or that young man to cry. Wouldn’t you, if you could, follow all these people around to just satisfy that thirst to find out? To seek the very mechanisms that make that other person whole? I would. But, then there’s that issue of time. Ugh!

In bringing it all back, the “many hats” addiction for me has made blogging of personal interest. It is a way for me to understand the many hats that I might wear, and has become an effort to determine quite how many I might actually wear (vs. have). The hope is to arrive at a point where it’s just one hat for me … or is that really no hat at all? Anyways, Verbalization of Consciousness has become a place for people (and that removed, reflective, inner ‘me’) to not only see where I go or where I am but to also see how I might be thinking about that place, which, in theory, blows my mind. How amazing to actually hear that inner monologue… in virtually real time. Maybe the idea of it is more exciting than the actuality of it.. but whatever. We roll on.

Now, I’m not fishing for compliments. I realize i’m just one person. And there are many other people in this world that can bring an abundance of more intrigue and puzzlement, but my own personal hope for me, is to capture a fraction of those thoughts we all have each day in rhetoric… exploit it, expand it and subject it to any other consciousnesses that happens to cross its path.

So where am I at? I’m here. In eugene. Taking it easy. Currently, I’m sleeping 12 hours a night, and busting my ass 12 hours per day. I head out for Florida on Tuesday night (7:45pm) for the UPA Mixed Nationals Championship. I’ve been going to bed earlier and earlier in the night to get on east coast time. I figure my body is not going to benefit from much more of a workout, so I get a good jog in each day, stretch thoroughly and toss for about 2 hours. Then it’s to the books, to the office, to class and back to bed. It’s just how I roll… and I roll deep. Varja showed up for me yesterday, courtesy of Eric Hoffman, and the house is clean (dishes and all) for the first time in what seems like a while. I’m staying hydrated. Always nice.

Also, yesterday, my officially new Grad school friend, Jake Werblow, and I went for a 5 mile hike. We had talked about doing something like this for a while, but I’ve been gone every weekend until now, so we jumped on it. My first weekend in Eugene was a good one. I busted out this little “Oregon Handbook” that I bought this summer and found half-a-dozen hiking trails within 15 minutes of my house. We zipped over to 52nd and Willamette and hit the Ridgeline Trail and summited Spencer’s Butte [2,052 ft] all before noon. Atop Spencer’s Butte we could see incredible sights - all of Eugene was covered in light whispy clouds, dashed with brilliant rays of sun and against the backdrop of the greenest forest I’ve seen in a long time. There were a few deciduous trees showing off their turning leaves and the air was calm and crisp. Werblow and I talked a lot about things and I think our friendship will prove solid. He’s a good guy. We stopped for ice cream at Prince Pucklers and talked about his trip to Niger. Peace Corps is sounding more enticing by the day. But, then again, so was this Ceasar-gladiator-colliseum book he was talking about. Perhaps I’ll make that happen.

I bought Maddie more food today cuz she’s been complaining, so now I think we’re definitely in a relationship.

The Oregon boys and the PLU ones are down in Chico playing ultimate as we speak. That’s the second year in a row I’ve missed that tourney. Bummers.

I should probably head out and go make dinner… (and The Roots keep rockin’ for me…)

Posted by bell at October 24, 2004 01:40 PM | TrackBack