bell - a verbalization of consciousness

Summer in Eugene: finding Focus

This summer, I’ve somehow managed to squeeze every last drop of day into something enjoyable. I still got things done that needed to be done (I think), but I’ve really enjoyed myself. I’ve been taking some time for me: playing ultimate in Canada and at Potlatch, and soon again in Boise for Labor Day. I’ve been working-out like it’s my job: doin’ stair workouts twice each week with some friends, and hittin’ the gym and tossin’ the disc everyday in between. The body feels good, and what’s more, I feel like I’m really listening to it. I didn’t have ANY beer for about 3 weeks. However, this past weekend, my housemates and I threw a huge house party on Saturday night with 2 local kegs, and a couple hundred jello shots, so I had to drink my share of barley! What can I say? I’ve been eating right, resting right, and floating down the Mckenzie river when the afternoon is right… yeah, it’s been a dream.

To boot, I’ve done quite my share of daily reading; mostly books on occult philosophy and other esoteric doctrines. I can’t seem to shake P.D. Ouspensky. He and I just think too similarly — or at least right now, anyway. I’ve begun to feel really good about the idea of unveiling some of his philosophical critiques (on G.I. Gurdjieff and beyond) as a focus for my MA thesis. P.D.O. and I have a lot of overlap, and I think if I keep my nose in his books, I’ll have a bit more motivation to drive some of the other papers I’m working on. I guess we’ll see how full circle things go…

One thing I can be sure about is my new challenge of Focus. It can be a very difficult thing to stay positive. And it can be a very difficult thing to find balance with so many different people and activities on a single plate (a Life metaphor, I guess), but to attempt to maintain focus in addition to an extensive list of priorities AND a personal quest to stay positive is a whole ‘nother level of difficulty. I’m up for it. It’s time. It’s with focus that I must begin to carry myself, or else, put quite simply, I will surely fail at achieving my goals, this time around.

Focus requires some organization. It requires setting firm deadlines for yourself, and a sense of determination. The Bruce is moving in with Jake and I, and the management and maximization of our apartment space will defintely be an exciting challenge, but I’m hoping to carve out a niche or two that will allow me to focus and continue my reading binge with ease. I’m optimistic; but what else could I be, really?

I hope to continue blogging more routinely. It gives a certain order to my innerpersonal meddlings, and gives a good pace to my expression of them. Chronicling the times to come is a bit exciting. I have much school to do, with big dreams and big goals attached to its every step. You’ll never hear me say there’s something I should do, but I’m excited to see just how hard I could work.

These next 3 or 4 weeks I dedicate to reading more of the PDO pile at my bedside. But whence I return from my travels in september, the writing game is on. Self Synthesis, chapter one, will have begun…

Poor student, looking for a computer...

Anyone with any hook-ups out there? I get by just fine without, but a new and trusty laptop by my side would make life MUCH, MUCH easier.

Mac or PC, it’s all the same to me. Wireless internet access would be a dream. And I’m a music guy too, so any ridiculously large hard-drive capacities are a definite plus… but I’m open to any sweet deals or suggestions that people might know of or have access to…

[ insert: crossed fingers and adorable smile… ;-) ]

Hiatus...

Well, i’ve been living in the moment of “despite”. Not in the sense that I’ve been feeling resent or contempt towards anything or anyone — that’s just not my style —- but in the sense that i’ve been having a whole lot of fun, and doing a whole lot of things, despite all the things I ‘should’ be doing.

Time, lately, has been spent in the form of a mental and physical hiatus for me… but more importantly, from me. While on the phone the other day, catching a distant friend up to speed with my latest life events, I brought to fruition, for the first time, an over-arching, all-encompassing narrative for my reaction to my first year in grad school. And what a year it was. I might still be in the process of finishing up a few classes, but that’s not to say that I didn’t work and think my ass off this year — beyond the point of exhaustion. Every conversation, both in academic and in social settings, was hopelessly driven towards some discussion of the universe, or the self, or purpose, or … what-have-you. Typically, these conversations are either funny or insightful, but never resolved, and never taken lightly.

As a result, my life at times has somehow taken on the persona of a deeply heavy, and saturated, and lethargic perspective of inquiry that might just be enough to make a man go mad. At the very least, I grow sick of myself, or at least my routines. People ask about ultimate, and there’s no question that it has served as a motivation and an outlet for me, but only as it counteracts something else, something more primal — and that something is called ‘school’; which, put plainly by one Andy Matranga, “is everything if you do it right.”

Well, I don’t know if I did school ‘right’, per say, but I have managed to make nearly everything I do, nearly every action I take, a matter of philosophical/psychological interest. I’ve added ‘psychological’ only because I think a philosophical query rooted in questions of ‘how to live’ necessarily begins with psychology, which for me, simply means “the study of the (human) self.” I’m concerned with the consitution of the Self, its many layers, its many perspectives, its many conflicts and successes. Who/How I am as a person and who/how I find myself becoming, are necessarily my focus, and unfortunately, the issue becomes quite the exponential predicament with every new question and response.

But I gladly toughed out 9 months of effortful thinking. I feel like I’ve only taken steps backwards, but in grad school they call that ‘progress.’ However, as soon as the summer months hit, as soon as I turned in all the final grades for all of my students, and as soon as my own academic routine faded, I needed to ‘digress’ before I could proceed any further. Yes, I have unfinished business to attend, but I needed to free my mind from self-scrutiny. I needed to take myself out from under my own microscope. I headed for Canada, and Seattle. For the Mckenzie river, and for the Oregon coast. I put my body in the gym and on the track, and I gave my mind all the freedom to roam and wander.

Needless to say, it’s been mindless. And wonderful.

But, today marks the dawn of a new day. I have priorities, you know. And I have a MA program to finish, and a thesis to write. Books have piled themselves high on my desk, while the rest of my house has slowly cleaned-up around them (believe it or not!). For once in a long while, I’m feeling that my social and personal lives are fairly organized, and it’s time to re-address the academic creature that lurks within me. Not to say that I’m about to drop all the “summer fun” and return to my 24/7 office routine, but I’ve got to start paying deliberate attention to the passage of time. I have 7 days before I leave for San Francisco’s Reggae-on-the-River Festival, and a day between that and my 10-day trip to France. I plan to take full advantage of this next week, and to gear up for my eventful return. The hiatus is over…

Game time.

Introducing Girin Guha

Ladies and gentleman, if you could, please put your hands together and join me in introducing, the one, the only, master of disguises, chancellor of all that’s good and great, THE —- GIRIN GUHA!!!! … up, up and away!

“Why?” you ask,… cuz I said I would. ja! Now, if you think this is good, you should hear him play that philthy guitar of his!

Gallery Updates

I’ve added a lot of pictures and movies to the ol’ gallerooo…

Plus, Nick Dare got a blog, so that’s exciting news…

But, I gotta go…

Jah bu.

Lots o’ things are happenin’ these days… and i’ve got plans in the works - trust me. I’ve been working for the philosophy department this last month. I’ve put in quite a few hours on the front end, organizing all that I could for a week long philosphy conference hosted by our department at the UO. The conference was last week, and all was extremely positive. I’m coasting into this week with a long list of things to do, and the energy to do them. Right now, i’m headed home to meet some friends… we’re headed to Spencer’s Butte. We’re givin’ her the old hike-a-roo, and going to catch a view of the setting sun. THEN!, and this is the best part, we’re hiking down under the light of the full moon. Afterwords? Yup, you guessed it — live jazz at Joey Federico’s bar on 5th. Things are good. Damn good…. almost, TOO good.

and i’m out. But i’ll be back… like I said, ‘plans in the works!’