9am in the morning on a Sunday. Today’s short term, achievable goals are as such:
(1) Don’t email anyone. One email turns into 10 emails, and 10 emails turns into 2 hours.
(2) Don’t even think about blogging. Well, after this entry, of course.
(3) Finish preparing Vita.
(4) Prepare philosophical statement.
(5) Stay away from RSD.
(6) Stay away from PLU Peeps Talk.
(7) Take a 30 minute tossing break.
(8) Stay focused. Make no phone calls - weekend free minutes - buh!
(9) Meet Dr. Shore at her house promptly between 3pm and 4pm.
(10) Get ‘er done. You kno’ how I does.
Do you think handsoap companies put something in the soap so that when you add water to wash your hands, the soapy-watery mixture turns slightly brownish-black?
This would seem to be a pretty advantageous move by the soap companies. I mean, think about it. Who would be so interested to think up or find out their little secret? And every time someone washes their hands with the soap, people would be thinkin’, “Man, this is some good soap. It seems to get my hands really clean with every use! I’m going to continue purchasing this product — and maybe recommend it to my friends.” And obsessive-compulsive customers would continue to be O-C and continue buying that particular soap — cuz it gets results (and if anything the brownish-black residue would perpetuate the self-fulfilling prophecy).
The commercial world can be crafty. We can never be too sure that soap companies around the globe are not outsmarting us as we speak (or wash). That, or my hands were just really dirty 5 minutes ago. …. I guess we’ll never know. (Insert: crescendoing suspensful-mystery music) - Bum, bummm bummmmm!
To be honest, I’m entirely overwhelmed with thoughts. I have a lot to blog about, but not much time. I just got back from mardi gras, and that was chill. We had a great time, and I need to/could write about it all day. There are so many fun stories, and the ultimate was good too. But, I’ll have to write about it later (i’m beginning to think that I say these things without really following through, but I’ll get there). I will say this, my trip could be summed up in this way: “throughout my adventures and good times in LA, I can honestly say I have officially experienced the good will of humankind” — whether it was Ron, the Frisbee Freestylers, Bryan and his dog, Derrick (ruler of peoples), Lulu and Adrian (From germany), the Madison women (props to Schott, CJ, Claire, Party Jill, Tiffany, Holly, Amanda, Emmy and the gang), Alex and Nicki (goddesses themselves), the teams we played, Ira and Eddie and Ian, Amber (especially Amber!), the little girls at the parade (hazaa for coconuts), the peeps on the floats, the guy that gave me a beer, the woman that home-cooked us some chicken for $1, Jardon from NNU, ASU Jeff (Formerly from NNU), all my WI summer league homies, the guy that hooked us up with a free hotel after we missed our flight in Houston when no one esle from Continental would help us, and even Craig (the canadian). We met so many good people, it’s no wonder the world is all-right.
Now, I’m sitting in my lab, frantically trying to figure out my life. I’ve got to finish up my late-application to the Cognitive Philosophy Master’s Program at U of Oregon, cuz I have an interview with the chair of the department, Dr. Mark Johnson, on Monday. I’ve got a paper due tonight, a scholarship thankyou letter that is due last fall, and some survey for school to get done.
My knee is broken and the only way I made it through the weekend was with tigar balm and percocet (thanks eddie) but I still feel like a champ, and there are try-outs for a new seattle club team on Tuesday. Will I have ever take a break and let my body heal? I think not. Is that a smart decision? I think not. My learning curve is a little slow. So, here I sit, taking glucosomine pills and icing and heating my body everynight, and cursing ‘supplements’ in my spare time.
The house is once again a mess, and needs some severe cleaning; will I get the job done? Yes… in due time. Will I finally do my laundry? Despite being a little farther down the priority list, yes… in due time.
The team looks good. Lots o’youngsters comin’ up. Lot of heart out there, and I think with a few more weeks and a few more tourneys under our belts, we’ll be, once again, a force. We’ll see. I’m most excited to give what I can, and come back to see this team kick some butt in 2 or 3 years. I feel kinda like my guy Trangy in spring of 2002. He know’s how we do!
I’d like to catch a movie. For some reason. I’m in one of those moods. I’m told, passion of christ is supposed to give you something to think about … pretty graphic, and blatantly sad. Am I in that mood? We’ll see. Am i asking myself a lot of rhetorical questions in this post? I think so.
I also went out and bought myself some new CD’s. This was a good decision. I mean, really, how often do we go out and buy CD’s anymore? I felt like I was going out and helping artists. It was sort of like activism. Anyways, I picked up two Mr. Lif CD’s (I Phantom & Emergency Rations) and they are def. baddass. Mr. Lif has been my guy lately and has been giving me some serious things to think about. I also picked up the Pitch Black album cuz I’ve really been digging that “It’s All Real” track, and I thought the CD might quell the Mil-town thug in me. Yeah, I had to pick up that Twista Kamikaze CD cuz everyone knows I dig fast rap, and well, Twista is that guy. Sure, “slow jamz” is played out already, but I think the CD is hard, and its fun to bump in the saab on your way to the Fred Meyer (aka grocery store). But, of all the CD’s I picked up, my fav has got to be, hands down, the new Afu-Ra: Body of the Life Force CD. It is all that and then some. Underground hip-hop is definitely my passion, and Afu-Ra knows how to throw it at you. I like hip-hop artists that think on a level that people don’t strive for (i’ll put the Grouch, Mr. Lif, Akrobatik, Aesop Rock, Del, Mountain Brothers, Zion I, Heiroglyphics, Moka Only, Swollen Members, Atmosphere, Sweat Shop Union, Jeru the Damaja, the Coup, and the Visionaries in the same category). Plus, Afu-Ra digs on ninjas.
Well, I’ve gotta get stuff done. It continues to be comforting, knowing that I have a place to vent. Whew!
I love “ninja movies.” There’s no doubt about it. If I happen to stumble into a movie rental place, without any real direction or objective, I immediately turn into a kid at the candy store as my eyes wander over the many movies in the “Martial Arts” section. Maybe its the fast action leg kicks and quick moving long-bows that suck me in, or maybe its the Asian historical content and traditional elaborate wardrobes which beg of my attention,… or maybe still, it could be the subtle delay of dubbed-english accents (usually British) over charismatic asian faces with fast moving lips — either way, there’s something to be said for renting a foreign film (of this caliber) and snuggling down under a fleece blanket with a bag of carrots (I happen to like carrots very much). These past two days I’ve made time to do just that.
So, Bruce Lee is the man, and everybody knows it. He’s great. He’s fast.. and certainly deserving of our respects. When I look to martial arts to be moved (in the spiritual sense of “moving”), I think of Bruce Lee. When i look to martial arts to be entertained, well … I have another preference - as great as Bruce Lee is and as much of legend as he will forever remain, my favorite martial art star, hands down, is Jet Li.
Jet Li is ultra-baddass. I’m not too down for his flashy hollywood stuff (which, I admit, is still pretty cool — Lethal Weapon 4 was phat, but in a different sort of way, you know?); I love his old school, comical-protagonistic asian films. All dubbed. All baddass. Of his films, I’ve seen:
*The Master (1 and 2)
*Shaolin Temple
*Swordsman (only the 1st)
*The Legend (aka “Fong Sai Yuk”) and the Legend II
*Tai Chi Master (extra Baddass, I must say)
*Fist of Legend
*Twin Brothers
*and some others, but I can’t remember the names.
I’ve watched other artists, but there’s just something extra-cool about Jet (can I call him jet?, I don’t know). so, I’m at Hollyvideo this past sunday with some great friends. Ike, Smith, Silly and I just got off the mountain after a great afternoon of snowshoein’ and snowfightin’, and my buddy Ike wants to rent “Kung Pow” - some slap stick comedy spoof about Kung Fu movies. And to be honest, i didn’t know what I thought about that sort of theme. but he assured me it was so stupid that it was funny (you know how there’s that boundary with some movies, and once it’s crossed, it’s somehow ok?) Anyways, we pull up to the place and I decide that I’ll let Ike and Silly run in and grab the vid. So, i chill in the car with smith, and we’re talking and its great, and then I’m like, “hey look, Leah (another housemate) is in the movie place with her boyfriend,” so I run out of the car and go jump on her back, or something. We talk, and then I realize I’m inside…
Movies are everywhere…. I immediately run over to the Martial Arts section, and start pruning through the shelves. Sure enough, one movie grabs my attention. (Aside: that’s the thing about martial arts movies, you never really know what you’re getting yourself into. There’s no trailer. There’s no advertisement. You’re just left to look at the cover, and maybe read the little blurb on the back, which is vaguely helpful, and if anything, part of the experience. You can get a 20 minute giggle out of the types of things they write on the backs of these movies. Every synopsis on the back reads something to the effect of: (INSERT: incredibly intense movie trailor voice) “Tsung Ya Chao (usually Jet Li) had wrongly lost his father’s eye patch in battle with the Soon Ming Clan’s one-armed soldiers of death and destruction, and now he must avenge is family’s honor and save his long-lost-unknown-can’t-be-trusted-backstabbing-but-will-come-around-in-the-end brother through 35 battles in super-fast motion using different weapons everytime … will he be able to handle such a chalnge??” And there’s usually spelling errors like that too —- cuz, this stuff is directly being translated by other countries, and often rhetoric gets looked over. It’s true.) So, I’m scanning, right?, and I see this movie entitled, “Swordmasters” with Jet Li. It seems baddass. It’s all this crazy cool ninja stuff with an empahsis on swords and the different sword clans. Now, i feel like a pretty crafty guy with a sword, but you should have seen the fight scenes they had displayed on the back. I knew I would need to get this one. But the real question was, “could I handle two movies this week?”
I had been slightly deprived. I probably hadn’t seen another ninja movie in over 3 months (last movie I saw was “The 18 Weapons of Kung Fu”; way cool). And then I saw it —- this movie called, “This is Kung Fu.” That back read something to the effect of, “CONFUSED with all the different types of Kung Fu on your TV? FRUSTRATED with not knowing which Kung Fu video is most Baddass? EAGER to find the best Kung Fu around —- well, look no further…” So, I listened, looked no further, and took both vids to the front desk. My guy Ike paid for them, and that was chill, and we went home and watched Kung Pow. Definitely a funny movie. Had a lot of laughs. We’ve incorporated some manuerisms into our social network, and I felt that I had an extra appreciation for the humor it was trying to provide, after having an astute background in the martial art movie business.
But the real joy came from waking up monday morning at 10am, making Costa Rican Pinto and Fish, and sitting down to watch “This is Kung Fu” with a plate of nostalgia and glass of Orange-Pineapple Juice. This movie was all that and then some. It was a documentary on Kung Fu, basically. It had great (if not famous) fight scenes from 15 of the best movies EVER, and provided an extensive history to martial arts, martial videos and martial artists. I learned so much. I feel like it was a great video for that virgin martial art enthusiast and the veteran alike. Here’s a little of what I gathered.
It started out with some great introspection into the culture of martial arts. It explained that, “Kung Fu skill is the optimum use of the human body.” And when you watch this stuff - the grace and the skill - you really see what a comment like this is getting at. It gave a bit o’ history on our guy Bruce, and touched on the 4 major films he did before he died of a brain aneurysm. They explained how “Jimmy Wang Wu” was sort of like the John Wayne of eastern films. He did this one movie where he had one arm cut off (for dignity) and then proceeded to whoop-up on fools. But, in the end I didn’t think he was that baddass. He did however team up a few times with this guy named, “David Chang” who played sort of a con-man in his films. He was a rising star that kept getting better and better and the chemistry between them — can I say enough? They had a bunch of tandem fights in this movie, “Shanghai 13” — extra cool pic. There was this scene where everyone was chillin’ in this restaurant and then all of these masked ninja assasins roll in through the paper walls and start wreaking havoc, but then Chang and Wu got the job done. Nice.
Another sweet actor was this guy, “Ti Lung.” He was hella traditional and extremely accurate. Come to think of it, I think it was Lung who was in Shanghai 13 with Chang (yeah, scratch Wu out of there, anyways …). Then there was the next american superstar who was supposed to be the next Bruce Lee, his name was Lo Lei (I think). He was in this movie called, “Devil and Angel” and that seemed neat. Then, I learned about this ultra cool asian super-star and I would love to see more of his work. He’s one of three brothers, but his brothers went into more of the producing aspect of martial arts cinema, and he became the star. Phonetically, I think it’s spelled, “Loi Chia Hui” and his brothers “Lui Chia Chang” and “Lui Chia Yung”. Hui was the actor and in movies like “warrior from Shaolin” he was awesome! See, most martial art movies tell the history of some aspect of ancient asia. If we think about it, China, in particular, has the longest history of any other civilization in the world. Martial arts is only a small way of re-enacting and reminding us of our worldly heritage. This movie taught me that when we see fighters with really short hair, its a movie that dates back to the era of the republic (1912-ish), and when the hair is long and down the center of the back, it’s the Ming Dynasty. There’s all this culture embedded delicately in each movie. It was really cool to watch myself become aware of these types of things. In fact, it made watching the movie that much more enjoyable for me, if that’s possible.
For example, in “Warrior from Shanghai”, Loi Chai Hui plays this Shaolin monk vs a Lama —- a very intense, sort of, religious dichotomy that is juxtaposed right here on the screen immersed in a very graceful battle of proaction and reaction. It was a sweet fight between sword and metal whip (btw, can I say enough about how many cool and different weapons are used? I think not.). This type of interplay between Shaolin and Lama is sort of like our western version of the Catholics vs the Protestants. Pretty cool, I thought.
Another cool movie, “Fists and Guts.” There’s this scene where the house is surrounded by this army with guns, so these two dudes inside have to fight silently so as to not make a sound which would ruin the chance to fight as it would alert the guys with guns (who would proceed to shoot them, of course). This by far, was probably the coolest scene I have ever witnessed. Hands down!
“Leg Fighters” was another ultra rad movie. It had all these famous leg fighting stars like “Tan tao Yang” but would team them up with big hitters like “Wang Tao” who is like the Chuck Norris of china. He was also in “the hot, the cool and the Vicious” and “Death Dual of Kung Fu,” teamed up with another leg fighter, “Jon Lui.” This stuff was incredible. There were all these long fight scenes, and the narrator even explained that martial art movies have long fight scenes so that their chinese audience and some americans (it actually said it like that) could appreciate the subtleties and development of the different fighting styles (because there are so many: ie, “white crane master” or “leg fighters” or whatever). And, it was cool to learn that in martial arts it is fair for fights of 2 against 1, especially if the 1 is an experienced white haired master, and in this particular movie, of the White Crane technique.
I feel like this movie helped refine my passion for Kung Fu. It introduced great movies, like “Art of War” with “Zsung Tsu” (an individual fighting man that fights with the military strategy of many) or “Fist Full of Talons” with “Billy Chong” (where he fights off the whole Ching Dynasty). For some reason the dignity and honor, the discipline and grace, the composure and excellence of self that these men and women fight with is most impressive. I can’t get enough. (Sidenote: the other movie i got, “Swordsman” was funny and interesting. I liked it a lot. There was a lot of flying, and I don’t really like that much. I definitely prefer movies that don’t exaggerate learned abilities. But there were some cool fight scenes and the plot was definitely cool… I surely don’t have time here to get into it… I didn’t even realize I rambled on so long about the first movie). So, yeah… ninja movies. It’s a whole new world. get there… and if you do, I’d suggest starting with “This is Kung Fu.”
I’m out. My flight to New Orleans leaves in 2 hours! Ultimate and Mardi Gras, HERE I COME!
We talk about ‘commercialism’ and other (negative?/positive? — controversial.) effects that arise out of developed, capitalist nations all the time, especially America. We talk about our frustrations with this type of system throughout our entire lives.
Specifically, in the United States, I hear people complaining about the Fast Food market, and how it detracts from time in the home, with the family, around the table, cooking and eating (and cleaning-up after) a meal. I hear complaints (generally from an older population) about impossible diet plans, temporary gym memberships and failed arobic workouts. I’ve witnessed a countless percentage of citizens on cigarette breaks at work; millions of average patrons consume a glass or two of dark, home-brewed columbian coffee with a pinch of sugar and drop of milk at the start of their day and again at lunch; College students around the globe are popping pills and downing Red Bull to make it through the week and puffing herb or downing Red Dog to make it through the weekend. Our nation’s children are too energetic — they’re given Ritalin. Our nation’s women are too obese — they’re given Xenical. Our nation’s men are too sexually incompetent and too bald — they’re given viagra and Rogaine. Our nation’s parents are too depressed or too compulsive — they’re given prozac. Systems of capitalist markets and economies are designed to allow new products into the market to help provide for a need in a better way — more productive, more efficient, or what have you. It’s a system where healthy competition will produce a better product to make for a better society. But as of late, I look around and see a rise in commercial products for a demand that isn’t natural. There is an increased supply for a demand that is created, a fabrication endorsed by the very companies that sell the product. It’s as if America’s motto has turned into, “if you’re feeling this way — take this!” Are you tired? — take this. Are you too pained — take this. Are you too stressed-out — take this. Are you too slow? take this. Are you too weak? Take this! Too ugly — Take THIS. Too stupid— TAKE THIS. Are you too different — TAKE THIS! … YOU CAN‘T DO IT, CAN YOU? TAKE THIS!
We have become a society of ‘supplements.’ I’m not saying calcium pills and daily vitamins aren’t going to help you live longer. I’m not saying the use of niacin or Glucotrol or NSAIDs or DMARDs is a poor decision (especially for people with heart disease or diabetes, or Rheumatoid arthritis ). I’m saying, that in a world where so many supplements are available, we have got to be careful not to cross the line of necessity — a distinction that so many companies try to blur.
The other day I was at this natural foods store, buying some organic vegetables, and multi-grain bread. I was looking for products with Glucosamine and other good-joint-stuff to help strengthen my knees (for ultimate, of course) and on the shelf I saw a box of pills that was titled ‘Memory’ and subtitled with, “Enhance your Memory.” I looked at this for a moment, and thought to myself. “Well, gosh, it’s not like I have the greatest memory in the world. If I could improve my memory, how great would that be? What are these pills all about?” And then I realized what I was doing. I was denying myself the ability to improve on my own. I can’t sit here and generalize and say, “Supplements are bad. Stop taking them. Damn America!” That’s not the point. In fact, that is the opposite of the point. I was merely confronted with the realization that a chunk of the market looks me in the eye and says, “Aaron, listen, we know what your goals are. We know what you’re working on. We know how you want to improve yourself. But listen to us (were professionals) when we say - ‘You cannot do this on your own. You are not able to make this change without our help’. Take this.”
I want to live in a way where I believe that I can do it, without supplementation. I can get in shape. I can learn this. I can eat healthier. I can find outlets for my stress. I can like myself. I can do it on my own. Well, at least I want to try.
Why not live in a way where we believe we can do it, and more importantly that we try — try with all our might. On a side note, I watch ninja movies all the time (well, with as much frequency as possible)— and with every martial artist (of whatever Kung Fu form) there is a particular grace of skill, art of movement, subtlety of ability. It is the optimum use of the human body, focused on a holistic excellence of the self — and I have to imagine, these guys aren’t taking diet pills and popping advil.
Ahh… Council Bluff
Wow. This picture makes me feel a lot of emotions. It’s like I’m still a 9 year old boy looking at Council Bluff from the audience for the first time, but as i gaze forward, the people seem strikingly more familiar. All of sudden, I look … and it’s my closest friends up there …. oh, … and me?
Yesterday day, was sort of weird. I couldn’t really focus on my studies. I got up early and had been reading all morning. I had a philosophy paper due at 4:30pm, it was noon, and I was stuck in this mental rut. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it. So, I emailed my professor and explained my mental predicament. I was trapped in this feeling of stress and this is not a comfortable place to be. It wasn’t like the assignment was difficult, it was just that I’m sitting at this computer in this lab with no windows and no other people … I just needed something different than ‘this.’ I decided I wasn’t going to finish my assignment today. My week had been so busy, it was friday, I had no class, and I needed to just be ‘easy.’ So, I sent him an email, told him I’d be sure to email him the assignment over the weekend (along with the next assignment as well since I’ll be in Louisiana on its due date) and went home. I sat in one place for the first time in at least 3 weeks. Went out and tossed some plastic, had practice, ran 3 miles and then showered up for my night.
Last night was great. I went to Vagina Monologues. I then went to the “Cave” (pretty much the only ‘hangout’ on campus). I had an awesome mint shake and watched some bands play that were incredibly entertaining. I came home, hung out until 1am with some housemates, restrained myself from going partying and cleaned my room! It was fantastic. I put on some chill tunes, cleaned up the dirty clothes, did the laundry, cleaned my sheets, reorganized some furniture (always key!) and compartamentalized the junk on my desk so that it was capable of study. I don’t know what it is about cleaning (and I don’t do it very often) but having your room, your place, clean and organized seems to open up your life a little bit. It’s as if, “Ok, my room is clean, now I can begin to accomplish stuff — where’s that homework! I’m ready.” At 3:30am my housemate Linzi came home from some salsa party and we chatted for an hour and a half (she was a little tipsy, but the convo was good). I fell asleep in warm, downy fresh sheets to ‘pharcyde’ and warm thoughts. I woke up this morning feeling even better. It was 10:20am, my plan was to make breakfast, kick it over to a coffee shop and really crank out some homework. For some reason, I’m really excited about it. Gettin’ focused sometimes (especially in the right environment) is feels great.
Looked in my cupboard and I really had no breakfast foods available. I cut open a papaya (yeah, after Costa Rica, I’m addicted to rich fruits) and started thinking about it. Well, it was 10:30am and that’s pretty close to lunch and lunch is an excuse to make dinner food, so I made spaghetti. I made a red marinara sauce with corn and tuna and I knew I would be pleased. Everything in the last 14 hours had been so comfortable. And then the greatest thing happened. So, I’m straining my noodles (and these are those cool sprial noodles I must add) and my phone rings. I run over to it — its my dad.
“Hello,” I say.
“Hi,” he says. He asks me about the car. I just got an oil change and he wants to know how much it costs — for comparison sake. In Wisconsin oil changes are dastardly, and we agree I got a good price from a good man in Tacoma. We started talking about semi-synthetic oil and the impotance of not mixing the different types, etc. etc etc. It was then that the greatest thing happened. I felt as if the convo was coming to a close. He seemed to have gotten all the info from me that he needed, mixed in with mandatory advice, which is usually the extent of our discussions. In my more mature years of existence he and I have never been really close. It’s sort of this routine of bringing ourselves closer and then pushing ourselves apart. It’s seemingly very unstable. I think our household in general fits much the same description. Don’t get me wrong — it’s fully functional. If you need something, it’s taken care of. If you need to get somewhere, you’ll get there. Every member of the family is involved in organizations and school functions, smart investments have been made, college is part of both my and my sister’s future, family vacations are/were taken, we have a dog - etc. The family is perfectly functional, … there’s just and absence of ‘joy.’ Of sincere, unconditional joy. I’ve seen many a family that fail to be quite as functional, but that flourish in joy. And I’ve often wondered who was better off? I think about all these things when i talk to my dad (well, my step-dad, but virtually the same thing) and today was no different. So, the oil discussions died down and slow, short pause started to emerge but just before it got awkward my dad says, in a calm collected tone,
“So, what else is new?” My heart skipped a beat. He was genuinely interested. I can tell these things, especially after 14 years of having conversations with him where sincerity and genuiness are often absent; I could tell that he wasn’t on the phone and multi-tasking. I wasn’t just something else to do. He wasn’t focused on some other activity and trying to talk to me at the same time. I wasn’t on speaker phone, it didn’t seem to be a balancing act of holding the phone and weaving through traffic, and my dad didn’t seem to be whisking through the house on a daily cleaning-frenzy with a bottle of windex in one hand, paper towels in the other and the phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulders. To be honest, I didn’t know what to say. A thousand things ran through my head… I just wanted to talk to him for hours — tell him everything. It was if his listening was like opening the flood gates to my thoughts. I wanted to share so much stuff. I wanted to tell him about my drive from Wisconsin through madison. I wanted to tell him how Anna was doing and what Kevin Wright was up to. I wanted to tell him about Denver and Reid’s house and visitng Trangy in Boulder. I wanted to tell him about Izar and her whole situation in Boise. I wanted to tell him about my first few days back at school, the situation with the team and my goals and fears for our season. I wanted to talk for hours about the tourney at Stanford and my encounters with a wonderfully mysterious Gambler - I wanted to talk forever, but all I could say after a long pause was, “yeah, I’m just sort of getting organized with my life here, and cleaning up stuff.” We agreed that this was a good thing, and proceeded to say goodbye. Even if we didn’t get to talk for a really long time, and even though the transcription of our conversation on paper would look no different than past convos, this felt like one of the best talks I’ve had with my dad… certainly in a long time. Right now, things feel comfortable in life. I don’t know what else to say .. maybe, ‘happy valentine’s day, self. And, thanks for making it special, dad.’
So, I just got back from a “Vagina Monologues” performance at my school — over 60 woman, over 2 hours long, and INCREDIBLE. Seriously fantastic. I’ll have more to say later. But despite and within some incredibly persuasive and insightful commentary on vaginas and women, one line in particular caught my attention. Just enough to make me stop and think, “Wow. Really? Why, I wonder?” It was a line that seemed to catch my ear for a reason. Perhaps it was saying something about my own predicaments, or just begging my attention and further thought. Though likened later to the capabilities of vaginas, the line was:
“the heart is capable of sacrifice.”
This really made me think. Is it really? Why? To be honest, I guess I’ve seen a lot of examples of sacrifice in the hearts of those around me, and those I love, but…. I don’t know. I began to wonder, ‘just because the heart is capable of sacrifice, should it be pushed to sacrifice? Should it sacrifice? Is there some lesson that can only be learned through sacrifice? What would that lesson be? Would I only come to know the lesson by truling going through some type of sacrifice? Have I already sacrificed? After one sacrifices, is there a vacancy, a hole that can’t be filled? A scar? Does it hurt? If so, does the pain go away? Can you forget about it? Repress it? Is there something to gain through sacrifice? Or is that the nature of sacrificing — you’re just giving, not taking/gaining at all? Is sacrifice different than love? Is it along the same journey?’
I’m scared to sacrifice.
So, I was sitting in my “History and Systems” Psych class today, and during a fit of boredom, mixed with a side of ADD and sleep deprivation, I looked over to my neighbor’s half of the table and happened to pay attention to her books. This was already more exciting to look at than my half of the table, which was decorated nicely with a pen that I found on my walk to school and a piece of paper that I ‘borrowed’ from some dude at the start of class. So, I’m looking at these books of hers — all neatly stacked upon eachother, and perfectly lined with the corner of the desk. She’s paying attention to the lesson, and I’m pretty much staring at (and thinking about) her situation. [To be honest, I don’t have books for the class (yet)… my goal every semester is to try and weasle my way through the course as long as I can before I succumb to the pressure and … commercialize (yeah, it’s a new verb I made up). I’ve only made it through one class without buying books, but I gotta keep the tradition alive during my last semester, ya know?] So, I start thinking, where is this girl from, what is she all about? I mean, she’s seriously listening, she’s taking rigorous notes and her books are all orderly, and then, BOOM, I saw it —- the second book in the stack (of three) was covered in what appeared to be a thick, black, lycra lining. I took a double take. Sure enough, it looked like that same size and shape book as the official book for the class. Everyone else had the same book on their desks, but without the fancy covering. (I thought about all of this in between the two glances of my double take).
I took a closer look, and it seemed as if this was a fairly expensive covering. Strong material; durable. Black, so as to absorb heat and keep your hands warmer on a cool, NW morning. It perfectly fit the book - so they must come in other sizes, presumably in packs of 3 or 5, so the purchase may be more expensive one would expect - possibly from some book specialty store.
Seriously, I thought, who is that concerned with their books that they go out of their way to buy (no less) coverings for them? I mean, it’s college… you’re either going to keep the books forever, or return them at the end of the semester, what’s the big deal? I even thought, “How dumb.”
But then I had a flashback. I remembered a 3rd grade version of myself sitting on a sunday morning at the kitchen table with my mother, cutting and taping newspapers or grocery paperbags to fit all of my texts. At the time I felt so special. I had new books! I was with my favorite person in the world! And we were doing a project together! (and maybe when we were done, we would do a really super-duper hard puzzle for adults or watch “Anne of Green Gables” for the 5th time that month). And when we were all finished making the book covers perfect, I could color them, and write all over them and maybe even put cool stickers on them. That was the best.
What a great feeling! I was all smiles, and still am. I’m so glad I saw that book cover today. I seriously think I’m going to cover all of my books when I get home. Big thanks to that girl in my class!
[Oh, and by “cover” I mean “buy,” and by “when i get home” I mean, “and then go home and cover them.”]
So, for those who are keeping track, I’m taking this 1 credit Honors Critical Conversation seminar on Virtues, particularly, the virtue of Charity. But, as I soon discovered, my professor’s interpretation of Charity (and perhaps rightly so) is “Love.” I just finished watching this video, entitled “Light of the Gods”, and it was riddled with some pretty fascinating quotes:
From the Greek poet Zappho:
* “Someone in some future time will think of us.”
*And again, on the contrast between Love and War:
“Some will maintain that the cavalry core or the infantry or the swift oars of our fleet are the finest sights on our dark earth, but I say it is whatever one loves.”
From the Greek poet Pindar:
“His hope is high, and he flies on the wings of his manhood.
Better than riches are his thoughts.
Man’s life is a day.
What is he? What is he not?
But when a God-given rightness comes,
a radiant light rests on man and a gentle life.”
From the Greek Philosopher Heraclytus:
“The only permanence in life is change and that all things contain their own opposites.”
And, lastly, there was a tale about two twins that were found dead after winning a triumphant battle and it was said (as a result of their passing):
“No man can die happy until he lived life with honor and without suffering.”
The greeks were clearly obsessed with the meaning of LOVE, DEATH and FATE. Funny … me too. Hazaa! (forgive me for not making the time to expand on these notions with my own reactions … liberal time is seldom).
However, in skirting around the specific issues at hand, I did have this to think: so much progress is made over time. Its as if few things have ever been started and finished in a single lifetime. Am I wrong to think that people can only introduce change, and that seldom is it a finished contribution? I wonder… what will be my contribution?
… once said, “Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.”
Now, one, why would ol’ RWE say something like this, and, two, why would someone go out of their way to tell me this quote?
I keep a journal on me at all times. It’s a ‘moleskin’ and I use it religiously — for thoughts, reminders, quick stories, quotes I hear, quotes I write — whatever. Often, I find myself paging through the things I’ve written and, simply, remember. Here are one-sentence entries I’ve made recently:
“the unexamined life is not worth living” ~Socrates
And so, it seems that the more you examine your life, the more you become an exemplary human being (specifically to Socrates’ standards, but, perhaps to all of ours).
At the same time, it seems as if our culture offers a whole lot of distraction and not a lot of opportunity to examine life.
I’m taking a class on “Charity,” although the topic is likened specifically to “love”, which was later described as a possible combination of three things: commitment, passion and intimacy. I wondered, “are these right? Is this a healthy, holistic understanding of love?”
Do we have good reason for thinking that we will never have good reasons for thinking there’s a God?
What does “tongue and cheek” mean?
On the first day of my ‘Philosophy of Religion’ class my professor posed the question, “what is philosophy.” To be honest, I don’t enjoy these types of questions. But somehow we got on the topic that “some say there’s no answers in philosophy”, to which our professor replied, “In reality, there’s TOO MANY answers — philosophy tries, in so far as it’s possible, not to take things for granted.” I liked that response.
I’m taking a class on “justice” and on the first day of class my professor asked us what our thoughts were about this frase:
“treat equals equally, and unequals unequally.” (SIDE NOTE: At some point in the near future, I’d like to speak about whether or not I think Animals have rights.)
I was spinning a frisbee the other day and this woman says to me, “you must play basketball!”
I saw the Ultimate Samurai again in Costa Rica, and the last sentence stuck out in my mind. It was something to the effect of, “… that he may have found some small sliver of peace that we all seek, but few of us ever find.” I wonder, is this true?
So, I’m in the process of chalking up a short story (of sorts) about my “Transition”** (purposefully capitalized) from Costa Rica to Seattle and all the things therein. But, alas, life has afforded me very little time for writing, thus, I’m not quite finished with the entry. But I don’t want you (aside: funny, ‘you’ in this sentence really is ‘me’. To be honest, I write these things for me. Blogging on anize is sort of a meditation with my own ideas, and now I’m subconsciously creating an alter identity for myself. How interesting. I guess ‘you’ in this case is really my inner most self that desires to blog more often) to think that I’m not wanting to write.
Last thursday was my second day of classes and during a short discussion over the syllabus our class got on the topic of life journeys. My professor had this to say:
“It is better to have a sense of being on a journey instead of being on a drift”.
These words couldn’t have come at a better time. In a way, my ‘Transition’** was a complete drift between two incomplete journeys. There was my time in Costa Rica - the beginnings of a new life, establishing the root work of a new niche in a new world. Certainly I would consider this incomplete because all of my social doings were abruptly impeded with the untimely arrival of the end of the month. The other journey then, of course, is my life here at the USA. I‘ve been on a journey since the start — to finish college and etc. Clearly my journey through PLU is nearly complete, but as I look my final semester dead in the eye, I can’t help but wonder if I’m still drifting.
**TRANSITION: refers to the 5 day gap in between Costa Rica and Seattle during which I traveled to Houston, Milwaukee, Madison, Denver, Boulder, Boise, and ultimately, Seattle.
